SOME GIRL NAMED ANDREA (The Consummate Survivor)

ethnic stereotypes

2011-10-28T00:30:00.003-04:00

I could write a book answering these questions. However for the sake of time I will be brief and provide a couple of examples for each question. Anyone who has experienced racism due to stereotypes knows these are mild answers.

What are some of the ethnic stereotypes that you have had to deal with?

White people assume black people are uneducated and lazy. They assume we do not speak proper English and live in “da hood.” For those of us who do speak proper English people assume we’re trying to be white as though only white people know how to speak. It is assumed that most black families are on welfare and fatherless. Growing up ALL of my black friends except one lived in two parent homes. Nobody was eligible for reduced lunch and we all went to college. It’s assumed we’re thieves and watched closely in stores even as adults. I’ve been asked extremely stupid questions like “Do you tan?” “Does your hair grow?” “Can I touch your hair?” If I am in public and a black person is being loud and obnoxious, people turn to look at me as though I am responsible for a stranger’s behavior.

Have you ever been discriminated against because of stereotypes that have been projected about Americans of color?

When I moved to Los Angeles my then boyfriend and I were denied several apartments. We were told we’d tear up the apartment and disturb the neighbors. We were also denied purchasing a car despite excellent credit and plenty of money for a down payment.

When I transferred to Lennar in Fort Myers people expected me to speak only when spoken to. When I spoke my mind I was called “a nigger who thinks she’s educated.” People thought I was aggressive and angry simply because I defended myself. White people assume black women are intimidating simply because we are strong. They assume we all communicate by rolling our eyes and necks and sucking our teeth. Watch me closely. I do not speak with me neck.

When I was a child my classmates were white. I was not invited to their homes or birthday parties. The children would not play with me at recess. Over and over again I was told that I was not clean and had germs. Kids would not eat lunch next to me for fear of getting sick. This was learned behavior from white adults.

Where have stereotypes about your race occurred? Like have people ever said anything to you at work, school, etc.?

The only place I have not had to deal with stereotypes is in my home, the homes of my family and my church. No other place is safe. Some places are easier to deal with than others, such as public places. Work, school and friend’s homes can be very difficult. You run the risk of getting fired from you job, in trouble at school and losing a friends. In public with strangers there is less risk for speaking my mind.Ii attended a predominately white, all girls' private high school. my senior there was just over 800 students. 21 of us were black. That year seven of us black girls ended up in the same lunch wave. A teacher approached us in the cafe and with much attitude asked us how we managed to get the same lunch wave. Mind you, we could not choose our own lunch waves.

I applied for a job and the employer wanted to hire a less qualified white counterpart. They even went as far as saying they could save 10k on the first year’s salary if they hired the less skilled, less qualified, less experienced candidate.

Last summer, while at my family reunion, I stopped in Target with my best friend (a white woman). We were wearing my family reunion t-shirt. The cashier asked if we were related. My best friend said we were twins. The cashier followed with how she knew that could be possible because her family owned slaves.

Why do you think ethnic stereotypes exist?

People like to clump people in groups to make it easier for them to understand the unknown. It’s ignorance passed on from generation to generation. Example: Many of the white people I have encountered are descendants slave owners. They’ve been listening to backwards ideas for centuries. They think black people have brought down this country when in actuality we built it on our backs. People witness black people who DO perpetuate the stereotypes and decide they represent us all. In addition, lack of self-confidence leads to fear. Of course I am speculating.

How do you think these stereotypes can be overcome?

EDUCATION! We have to start with the young people to break the cycle. They need to be taught self-confidence, communication skills, appreciation for differences and compassion. We have to teach them a sense of community and inclusion. People need to venture out and meet people from other places. Multiculturalism needs to be introduced into the curriculum, the décor of the schools and the interaction of teachers and parents. Bullying needs to be quelled. Americans need to learn how to speak multiple languages.

As a multicultural trainer I used a certain technique in my workshops. I would show teachers the stages they much consciously go through to make a difference. Since learning is cyclical, I would show them a labeled circle. At the top of the circle is awareness. If you are not aware of your surroundings and your lack of knowledge about your surrounds you won’t seek knowledge. So next on the circle (moving clockwise) is seeking resources and tools that can help you gain knowledge. Next on the circle is implementation. I provided techniques on how to implement the knowledge the gain. Last on the circle is sharing. I would encourage teachers to share what they learn with other teachers and parents alike.

Young Girls & Foolish Older Women

2011-07-20T20:06:00.018-04:00

"If you're not being treated with love & respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's YOU who tell people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack & get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! Bottom line: Value yourself! If you don't nobody else will!" -Unknown

A YOUNG GIRL'S WORST ENEMY IS A FOOLISH OLDER WOMAN. WHY?

What comes to mind when you hear the word enemy? I think of someone who is harmful or detrimental to my well being. What comes to mind when you hear the word friend? I think of someone who is supportive and respectful and who has my best interest in mind. With that said who are your enemies and who are your friends? And think about this. Are you an enemy or a friend to those around you, specifically the young girls in your life?

Personally speaking I have been an enemy without realizing it. I've acted so foolishly that my behavior was self destructive. I've been a poor judge of character engaging with people who care little for me or not at all. I have made terrible choices that so effected my life that I am still recuperating today. All of this sounds like I have been an enemy to myself. Well I have. However, it's not just about me.

In my role as an aunt, a Big Sister, a teacher and a coach, I have come in contact with many young girls. These young girls hear my words. They see my actions. They feel the emotions I express. How I carry myself, how I behave, how I act and interact has influence on them.

It is important for us "seasoned" ladies to remember that we are constantly setting an example. We are constantly being observed. It is our responsibility to act responsibly. It is our duty to lead by example. It is our obligation to befriend the young girls and ladies in our lives. They internalize and the imitate our behavior.

Do you think you are being a friend to you niece when she witnesses you being treated badly and continually going back for more? Do you think you are being a friend to your students when they hear about your careless behavior on Facebook? Do you think you are being a friend to you little sister when you are constantly begging for help and are completely dependent on the people around you?

Get yourself straight so that you can be of help to the next generation. What? Nobody helped you? All the more reason to reach out and help another young girl. If you know it will require a lot of work to get yourself straight, fine. You can still set a good example while you work on self improvement. Keep your business out of the street. Do not share everything with everybody. Do not lie to these young ladies by telling them they out to demand respect and go running outside because some man drives up and honks the horn at you.

What comes to mind when you hear the word friend? I think of someone who is supportive and respectful and who has my best interest in mind. I have the best friend of all, Jesus Christ. HE has taught me to befriend myself so that I may befriend others, specifically the young girls in my life. I have no desire to be a subconscious enemy. An enemy to those around me because I'm living on the clearance rack. Chillin in the clearance aisle. Wallowing in self pity. Mistreating people and allowing people to mistreat me. Thanks be to GOD for 100th chances. Every morning when I wake I am blessed with a new life. A valuable life. In my past I may have convinced people that I was living on the clearance rack. Well it's just that. The past.

"If you're not being treated with love & respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's YOU who tell people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack & get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! Bottom line: Value yourself! If you don't nobody else will!" -Unknown

I Had To Go Madea On Them

2011-05-17T11:43:00.010-04:00

So this past weekend I volunteered to work the admissions desk at my brother-in-law's AAU tournament. He hosted 33 teams. Just imagine how many people passed through the doors between players, coaches, refs, parents and other guests. I spent 12 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday dealing with the public. I have a new found respect for people who do front office work.
On Saturday roughly 70% of the people were either rude or tried to sneak into the game without paying. I held my composure from 8 am to about 4 pm. Finally my cup had run over and out poured the "stereotypical" attitude. I had promised myself I wouldn't allow anyone to take me there. But I had a weak moment. Yes people were rude, belligerent and nasty but I know better. Maybe I should have gotten up from the desk and walked away for a moment but we really didn't have enough hands on deck to cover. So when this man refused to pay and literally bum rushed the door, forcefully pushing a lady out of the way, I lost it. I started yelling and brought unnecessary attention to myself. I was tired of people speaking to me and treating me any kind of way. On went the gorilla suit. It got real ugly. "I'M TIRED OF YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR FUNKY NASTY ATTITUDES. I DON'T HAVE ANY DAMN CHILDREN PLAYING IN THIS TOURNAMENT. I DON'T EVEN REALLY CARE FOR BASKETBALL. I AM VOLUNTEERING MY TIME AND I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH ANYMORE. Then of course I let it be known that I would never work a tournament again.
Afterwards I was angry with myself. Like my Granny says, "You don't have to be a fool because you meet a fool." I know there are ways to get my point across without blowing my top. It is something I consciously work on. Your point is lost in chaos when you flip your lid. Even if you're "in the right." I had to apologize to myself. I disappointed myself by allowing others to get to me. There is no real reason to go ballistic.
On Sunday things were better. People were still rude and were still trying to sneak in but not nearly in the numbers they did the previous day. GOD gives me joy everyday. GOD knows what to do to show me the light. HE will use whomever HE can to teach me a lesson. A few parents, coaches and referees thanked me for a job well done. One coach even gave me an encouraging talk. He was subtle with it. He knew what he was doing and by the time he finished talking to me I was making plans for next year's tourny. I have great ideas to implement. Ideas that help the event run smoothly and efficiently.
So what is the point of this story you ask? Try to keep your cool. Never let them see you sweat. But you will make mistakes and when you do be prepared to ask for forgiveness. Please be patient with me. GOD is not through with me yet.

Its Okay If We're Different

2011-03-25T00:49:00.008-04:00

Is it alright if something trivial to you is serious to me? Is it okay if I dislike something you love? Is it fine if I do it my way and you do it yours? Do you mind if I don't ever want to do that but it's your favorite thing to do?

Actually I don't even know why I am asking these questions. Regardless of your answer I am going to do, say, act and feel how I want to as long as I do not infringe on someone's rights or hurt somebody's feelings.

It doesn't make much since for me to feel uncomfortable so that you won't. It doesn't make much since for me to try to handle something the way you would because it makes you feel better. Something we all have to understand is DIFFERENT is okay. I've said that before and will continue to. Everyday in every way I see people bashing each other over a difference of opinion. Opinions that aren't even harmful, just different.

You like eggs. I think they are disgusting. But I don't think you're weird because you like them. So stop looking at me like I'm crazy because I don't. I like talking about GOD and my faith. You don't. that is fine with me. Stop saying I'm forcing my GOD on you. I am not. I also like to discuss books, music, sports, politics and my favorite tv shows. You don't think I'm pushy when I say I like Reality TV. So why are you bothered when I say I love the LORD? I voted for Obama. You didn't. It's okay. We can still get along. I have close relationships with people who voted for McCain (and yes they are black). No need for us to be at each others' throats about it.

For the most part when a topic brings up a healthy debate I welcome it. It stimulates my intellectual juices. It opens my mind. However there are times when I disagree or simply handle things differently and do not want to "explain" myself.

I don't have to understand everything about you. And you most certainly do not have to understand everything about me. I will NEVER tolerate you. I don't want you to ever tolerate me. I WILL forever appreciate you and I hope you will appreciate me. Me, my flaws, and differences of opinion.

I am invited to my cousin's baby shower this weekend. There is a 90% chance I will NOT attend. People do not understand why and they're looking for a reason. I've tried to explain myself but that hasn't always worked. So I am done with trying to help you understand me. Just appreciate that my behavior is not malicious. My absence is not an indication of my wishing ill will toward you.

I do not attend children's birthday parties. It is not up for debate. We don't need to sit and talk about it. This is one of those time you need not worry about understanding me. Just appreciate that I cope with things differently than you do. And guess what? That's ok.

Continued

2011-02-18T20:10:00.003-05:00

ooh Praise GOD. Do you know that He is faithful. Yes LORD.Thank You Jesus. Hallelujah Father. Thank you.Thank you Thank you. I just wanna praise you all night. It fill me with joy to say thank you LORD.

HE has been good to me. HE has protected me. I am Holy Ghost filled and want the world to know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. He loves me. I love Him because He loves me. Oh magnify the LORD for He is worthy to be praise. I want to fall on my knees with the angles and worship the Father. Thank you Father.

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

feel it. feel our Father's love for us. He wants you to be happy. Reap the harvest HE promised you. It is yours. Believe that. No man has dominion over you. GOD is full of mercy and love and forgiveness. Yours for the taking. Yes Father thank you.

I can't stop. He hasn't stopped on me and never will
1 major surgery / chemo
2 brain aneurysm
3 major surgery / chemo
4 major surgery (2 extra organs removed)
5 major surgery (3 extra organs removed)
6 heart attack
7 Death of my best friend, my grandfathers and 2 wks ago my brother
8 no employment since the heart attack in 2009
HE HAS NOT LEFT MY SIDE. BEEN THERE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

the Holy Spirit caught a hold of me and let loose. well after my experience I opened Our Daily Bread to see what scripture to read. Psalm 89:1-8 was listed.

I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever; with my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 89:1

HOLY GHOST FILLED MOMENT

2011-02-18T01:17:00.005-05:00

I WANT ALL ME SISTAS TO BE BLESSED. THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR WILL. PRAISE YOU LORD FOR YOUR FAVOR. HALLELUJAH LORD FOR OUR SAVIOR. SO GLAD TO HAVE A HOLY GHOST FILLED MOMENT RIGHT HERE ON FACEBOOK FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.

OH LORD YOU ARE SO VERY WORTHY TO BE PRAISE. YES JESUS I GIVE YOU HONOR. YES FATHER I MAGNIFY YOU. ALL HONOR AND WORSHIP TO YOU MIGHTY KING OF KINGS.

I THANK YOU AND I PRAISE YOU AND I SURRENDER MY WILL TO YOU FATHER. THANK YOU FOR LOVE, PEACE, UNDERSTANDING, PATIENCE, FORGIVENESS, MERCY, AND TRUTH.

OH FATHER MY I CONTINUE TO SING YOUR PRAISES NEVER CEASING. I AM SO PROUD TO BE CALLED A CHILD OF GOD. SO EXCITED TO BE IN YOUR FAVOR. SO PRIVILEGED TO FOLLOW YOU FOOTSTEPS.

GUIDE ME FATHER. I WILL FOLLOW. I SURRENDER ALL, ALL TO YOU MY PRECIOUS SAVIOR. I WANT YOUR WILL FOR MY LIFE. YOUR COMPLETE WILL FATHER. NEVER WILL YOU LEAD ME ASTRAY. I AM IN GOOD HANDS WITH YOU. WITH YOU NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
LORD I LEARNED TO TELL MY PROBLEMS ABOUT YOU. I HAVE LEARN TO TELL FRIENDS WITH PROBLEMS ABOUT YOU. THEY WILL COME WHEN THEY ARE READY.

I AM READY TO WORK FOR YOU TODAY LORD RIGHT NOW. JUST LEAD THE WAY.SET A SPECIFIC PATH BEFORE ME. I AM AT THE READY.

I WANT TO DO YOUR WORK AND I WANT TO BE USED BY YOU TO BLESS OTHERS. I WANT TO SHARE YOU WITH OTHERS. I WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW GLORIOUS, MAGNIFICENT AND LOVING YOU ARE.

YOU ARE SO FAITHFUL LORD. YOU ENSURED THAT I WOULD HAVE ALL THAT I NEED 2000 YEARS AGO. THANK YOU LORD. THANK YOU LORD. THANK YOU LORD.

THANK YOU FOR CARRYING MY BURDEN WHEN IT WAS TOO HEAVY FOR ME TO HANDLE. THANK YOU FOR CARRYING ME WHEN I COULD NOT CARRY MYSELF. THANK YOU LORD FOR SEEING ME THROUGH CHEMO HALLELUJAH! THANK YOU LORD FOR SEEING MY THROUGH A BRAIN ANEURYSM, YES LORD, YES LORD. THANK YOU FOR LAYING YOUR HAND ON MY HEART AND PROTECTING IT AS IT TRIED SO VERY HARD TO STOP ON ME. THANK YOU FATHER. THANK YOU MY KING. THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR STANDING OVER ME DURING 4 MAJOR SURGERIES AND ENSURING I CAME THROUGH.

OH LORD JESUS. YES. THANK YOU. HALLELUJAH FATHER. PRAISE YOU FATHER. YES LORD. THANK YOU LORD. YOU LOVE ME, YOU PROTECT ME, YOU CARRY ME, YOU PROVIDE FOR ME. YES LORD. THANK YOU JESUS, HALLELUJAH! YES
AMEN AMEN AMEN

Faithful Is Our God - Hezekiah Walker

FAITHFUL, FAITHFUL, FAITHFUL IS OUT GOD

I'M REAPING THE HARVEST GOD PROMISED

TAKE BACK WHAT THE DEVIL STOLE FROM ME

AND I REJOICE TODAY

FOR I SHALL RECOVER IT ALL

HOLY HOLY HOLY IS OUT GOD

I'M REAPING THE HARVEST GOD PROMISED

TAKE BACK WHAT THE DEVIL STOLE FROM ME

AND I REJOICE TODAY

FOR I SHALL RECOVER IT ALL

JESUS JESUS JESUS IS OUR GOD

I'M REAPING THE HARVEST GOD PROMISED

TAKE BACK WHAT THE DEVIL STOLE FROM ME

AND I REJOICE TODAY

FOR I SHALL RECOVER IT ALL

"But what about you?" he asked? "Who do you say I am?" Matthew 16:15 NIV

2011-02-07T13:21:00.004-05:00

When Jesus was on the cross, I, Andrea D. Kelly, was on His mind.

"But what about you?" he asked? "Who do you say I am?" Matthew 16:15 NIV

Yesterday my pastor anchored his sermon with that scritpure and it was a profound message. Jesus asked Peter who the people said He was, then He asked Peterl directly. After listening I realized that I know who Jesus Christ is, what He means to and what He did for me. I make it my business to thank Him everyday. Still I have a long way to go to show my aprreciation for Christ. I have to remind myself regularly what He did for me. So I have decided to rephrase Isaiah 53:2-8 NIV. You can read it below. In addition I advise you to read Matthew 16:13-19. Answer the question Jesus asked Peter. Then read Isaiah 53:2-8 as it was originally written. It is my pray that we all can provide the correct answer to Jesus's question and then live our lives righteously.

My Personalization of Isaiah 53:2-8 NIV

Jesus has no beauty or majesty to attrack

me to him,

nothing in Jesus' appearance that I

should desire him.

Jesus was despised and rejected by men,

a man of sorrow, and familiar with

suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their

faces

Jesus was despised and I esteemed

him not.

Surely Jesus took up my infirmities

and carried my sorrows,

yet I considered him stricken by GOD,

smitten by Him and afflicted.

But Jesus was pierced for my

transgressions,

Jesus was crushed for my iniquities;

the punishment that brought me peace

was upon Jesus,

and by his wounds I am healed.

I, like sheep, have gone astray,

I have turned to my own way;

and the Lord has laid on Jesus

the iniquity of me.

Jesus was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

Jesus was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

as a sheep before her shearers

is silent,

so Jesus did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment Jesus was

taken away.

And who can speak for his

descendants?

For Jesus was cut off from the land of the

living;

for my trangressions

Jesus was stricken.

Please, if you do not understand what you just read, find a clergyman and ask for an interpretation. It is imoprtant for us all.

I Am A Coward

2011-02-07T12:08:00.001-05:00

I had an intriguing conversation with one of my best friends last night. We talked in depth about GOD and blessings and how we block our own blessings. In both our cases a major factor is fear. I do not live to my full potential. I know that I can do more to please GOD. I do not concern myself with what society or even those close to me feel I should do with my life. However I am always asking GOD to use me as a vessel to bless people. And while I do see it happening regularly, it's on a small scale.

I want to shout my testimony from a mountain top. I want to spread the Word from corner to corner. But my own cowardice stops me. My testimony is filled with highs that have reached a zenith point and lows that seems to have reached the depths of hell. Through it all I have bounced back and only by the grace of GOD. This needs to be shared. What if there is someone out there who can be stopped from killing someone or committing suicide? What if someone can come out of depression or stop abusing children? What if someone can stop addictive behavior or stop being unfaithful? Most importantly, what if someone finds Jesus Christ and comes to the realization that He died to save them, to wipe their slate clean, to provide them with eternal life?

GOD has the power to do all of the above and then add more blessings to these people's lives. He uses people like me who have varied experiences and who have witnessed His works. Yet and still I sit on what I know. I go back and forth with whether or not to pursue what I think I should do.

I must overcome my fear. I must put my cowardly ways aside. I must look forward and stop looking behind. I am liable to walk into a wall if I keep looking back and allowing what's behind me to hold my focus. (read Luke 9:51)

So many people walk around with this same fear. Talk with GOD. Pray. Read the Word. Find out what His will is for your life.Then pursue it vigorously. I am going to take my own advise. I will start with a pray. I will ask GOD to make my path clear, to make it all right or all wrong, to make it unambiguous. Then I will work on building courage. I know that if I am following GOD's will and not my own, if I am being righteous and not self righteous, I cannot fail and that fear is silly.

Pray for me. Pray for you. Thank you.

BLACK HISTORY MONTH WEEK 2

2011-02-07T11:11:00.003-05:00

This is a story of a little boy name Theo who woke up one morning and asked his mother, Hey Ma, what if there were no Black people in the world?

Well his mother thought about that for a moment, and said, "Son, follow me around today and lets just see what it would be like if there were no Black people in the world. Now go get dressed and we will get started.

Theo ran to his room to put on his clothes. His mother took one look at him and said, "Son, I must iron your clothes. Why are they so wrinkled?"

But when she reached for the ironing board it was no longer there. You see, Sarah Boone, a black woman, invented the ironing board

Well you will just have to go wrinkled today she said, now go put on your shoes. But Theo couldn't do this either. You see, Jan E. Matzelinger, a black man, invented the shoe lasting machine.

"Oh well," she said, "at least go and do something to your hair." Theo ran in his room to comb his hair, but the comb was not there. "

You see, a black man by the name of Walter Sammons, invented the comb.

Theo figured since he couldn't comb his hair he would just brush his hair, but the brush was gone. a black female by the name of Lydia O. Newman, invented the brush.

Well, this was a sight. Theo had no shoes, wrinkled clothes, his hair was a mess, even Mom's hair was a mess, because she didn't have the hair care inventions of Madam C.J. Walker! The Guinness Book of Records cites Madam CJ Walker as the first female who became a millionaire by her own achievements.

"Well Let's do our chores around the house, and then take a trip to the grocery store." Mom said.

You sweep the floor and I will go wash some clothes. Theo swept and swept and swept. When he reached for the dustpan, it was not there. You see, Lloyd P. Ray, a black man, invented the dustpan.

So he swept his pile of dirt over in the corner and left it there. He then decided to mop the floor, but the mop was gone. You see the mop was also invented by a black man. His name is Thomas W. Stewart.

Ugh! Theo grunted in frustration. "Mom, I'm not having any luck." He yelled.

"Well son," she said, "let me finish washing these clothes and we will prepare a list for the grocery store."

When the wash finished, she went to place the clothes in the dryer but....the dryer was no longer there. You see, George T. Samon, a black man, invented the clothes dryer.

Theo and his mom were both becoming frustrated. 'Let's just make the grocery list. Go get a pencil and some paper to prepare the list for the market." Mom instructed.

Theo ran for the paper and pencil but noticed the pencil lead was broken. Well, he was out of luck because John Love, a black man, invented the pencil sharpener.

"Don't worry we can just use a pen." Mom said. His mom reached for a pen, but it was not there because William Purvis, black man, invented the fountain pen. As a matter of fact, They couldn't type it because Lee Burridge invented the type writing machine, even if they needed some other type of newspaper they would be out of luck because W. A. Lovette invented the advanced printing press.These were both black men.

Theo had an idea "Maybe we will be better off if we get out of the house"

So Theo and his mother decided to head out to the market. Well, when Theo opened the door he noticed the grass was as high as he was tall. You see, the lawn mower was invented by black man by the name of John Burr.

They raised their legs high to step through the tall grass and made their way over to the car. They got in and put on their seatbelts but the car just wouldn't go. You see, Joseph Gammel invented the supercharge system for internal combustion engines and Richard Spikes invented the automatic gear shift , both of them are black men.

Well, it was getting late, so they walked to the market. On the way they noticed that the few cars that were moving were running into each other and having wrecks because there were no traffic signals. You see, Garrett A. Morgan, a black man invented the traffic light.

Finally they made it to the market, got their groceries and returned home. Just when they were about to put away the milk, eggs and butter, they noticed the refrigerator was missing. You see John Standard, a black man, invented the refrigerator. They had no choice but to just leave the food on the counter.

By this time, Theo noticed he was getting mighty cold. "Mom, can you turn up the heat? Why is it so cold in here?" You See, Alice Parker, a black female, invented the heating furnace so they didn't have heat. Even in the summer time they would have been out of luck because Frederick Jones, a black man, invented the air conditioner.

It was almost time for Theo's father to arrive home. He appeared to be taking longer than usual. He usually took the elevator from his office on the 20th floor, but there was no elevator because it was invented by Alexander Miles, a black man.

He also usually dropped off the office mail at a near by mailbox, but it was no longer there because Philip Downing, invented the letter drop mailbox and William Barry invented the postmarking and canceling machine, both black men.

See, he usually took the bus. But there was no bus, because it's precursor was the electric trolley, invented by another black man, Elbert R. Robinson.

Theo and his mother sat at the kitchen table with their head in their hands. When the father arrived he asked, "Why are you sitting in the dark?" Why? You See Lewis Howard Latimer, a black man, invented the filament within the light bulb.

Theo quickly learned what it would be like if there were no black people in the world. "It's been a long day dad" Theo sighed. Yes son it has. but I so have some good news Grandma is doing better! Due to Charles Drew a black scientist who found a way to perserve and store blood which led to the opening of the world's first blood bank, she was able to have a successful blood transfusion a few days ago.

and thanks to Dr. Daniel Hale Williams a black doctor, who performed the first open heart surgery. She has been scheduled to get a new heart soon.

Well dad Theo began, I am thankful for the dream that Martin Luther King had, bc this day has been one big nightmare. Theo's dad smiled.

A TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL ANDREW KELLY

2011-02-07T11:04:00.002-05:00

A Tribute to my brother Michael Andrew Kelly

Many people start speeches with “It’s an honor and a privilege.” Sometimes it is out of formality or lack of something better to say. However I say to you today with all sincerity that it is an honor and a privilege to speak about Michael Andrew Kelly. When we were small children our grandfather gave us all nicknames. Michael’s nickname was Pickle. And since it feels odd to me to refer to him as Michael, from this point on, I will refer to him as Pickle.

Biologically Pickle and I were first cousins. However he, my sister Alicia, and I have considered and addressed each other as siblings for as long as I can remember. So much so that Alicia’s children never knew Pickle as anything other than Uncle Michael or Uncle Pickle

People who knew Pickle as an adult would most likely tell you that he was reserved, quiet, kind of a loner. And while that is all true, it’s only a portion of who my big brother was. Let me tell you about the Pickle I knew.

Pickle was 9 months older than me. And when we toddlers, Pickle was a biter. For some reason he decided to use me as his teething ring. I’m not telling you this from memory, of course. However it would appear that the adults thought it was more appropriate to snap pictures rather than save me from the grips of Pickle’s fangs. In one picture in particular, I am in a walker in the kitchen. Pickle is standing over me with half my forehead in his month and I’m justa grinning like its normal.

It only got better as we grew from toddlers into children. Any female who was around in the 70’s remembers the Dr. Scholl’s sandals with the buckle on top. They came in a bunch of colors. Well I had a red pair. And I loved my red Dr. Scholl’s. One day Pickle decided to chase me down and throw mine down the sewer. My mother came out of the house hollering at both of us. Pickle got in trouble for throwing my sandals in the sewer. I got in trouble for letting him. I wasn’t upset about getting in trouble. I was mad about my shoes. I am a girl after all.

One of Pickle and my favorite pastimes was role playing. I’d be our grandmother and Pickle would be our grandfather. We thought we were quite the actors as we dramatically played out conversations mocking their personalities. I had fun with my brother.

Then there was meal time at the kids table. It was just me, my sister Alicia and Pickle and we had a ball. We acted silly. We were loud. We had fun. Who knew we were creating such fond memories and some weird ones too. Like how we used to dip our ham in our Kool-Aid. I know it sounds strange but it gave the ham great flavor. Plus nobody was watching the kids’ table anyway. As an adult Pickle stopped eating pork. Hmm! Maybe that’s why.

Pickle was a rowdy little boy but what little boy isn’t. He started to mellow when we hit our teenage years. He fell in love with music. DJ Smashalot would bring the latest music down from Syracuse. My sister and I were so excited when Pickle played Lottie Dotty for the first time. Pickle graduated from carrying a boom box to scratching records and transforming on the turntables. During this same period Pickle played basketball whenever he could. He might have been 5’ 7”ish but he played like he was a giant. Anyone who lived in West Lake at the time knew that. Music and basketball were his two passions and you could see how happy they made him. All you had to do was step back for a moment and watch.

After I graduated from high school I went off to college. I can remember coming home for break and hanging with Pickle. On one occasion Pickle, his girlfriend, my boyfriend and I went to see Keith Sweat and Bell – Biv – Devoe in concert. As corny as it may sound today, we decided to dress alike. All four of us. We wore matching denim overalls with one shoulder down. On another occasion Pickle decided to take me dancing. So off to the club I go with my big brother. Pickle was not the most graceful dancer in the world. That night Pickle decided to enter a dance contest. He got on the dance floor and started having convulsions so I thought. But no Pickle was actually bustin a move. I was so astonished at what I was seeing that when a guy standing next to me commented on Pickle’s dancing I said I didn’t know him. Well boo on me. Pickle walked away with the $50 first place prize. Pickle and I relived that moment over and over again for years. Usually when we’d relive it I would reenact Pickle’s moves but I’ll spare you all today. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to spend time with Pickle even during brief breaks from college.

As adults we didn’t get to spend as much time together. I was always gallivanting here and there. And spent a lot of time outside of CT. However I’d get to see him whenever I came home. In the summer of 2008 I moved back to CT and in February of 2009 I moved in with my grandmother Marie, my Auntie Ann and my brother Pickle. The four of us lived together for a year. Poor Pickle. He was already living with two women and here I come. Although my grandmother opened her home to me so she could nurse me back to health she unknowingly provide me and Pickle with an opportunity to catch up and reconnect. And we took advantage of it.

No one knows this but Pickle used to come into the room and check on me every day. He was so concerned for me. He’d ask me if I needed anything or if I was hungry. He did this every day. It was as though no time was lost between us. He showed me true love.

Of course being in a house full of women kind of scared him though. He had to zip up dresses on Sundays and help us put on and remove necklaces. He never complained though. We watched a lot of the lifetime channel. I guess we rubbed off on him and he tried watching it. But one day he came to me and said he couldn’t watch that channel anymore because we women were crazy. He said the movies gave him nightmares. What he really liked to watch was the food channel. Pickle loved, loved, loved to cook. And a great cook he was. I don’t care what Pickle cooked, it smelled good, well unless his was frying onions. While Pickle’s food smelled good I tried to steer clear of eat. Pickle ate a lot of non-traditional meals. He was a vegetarian. I remember the first time Pickle tried to give up meat. Auntie Ann had left the house but had to turn back around because she forgot something. She said as she turned onto Braeburn Lane all she could smell was pork. She entered the house to find Pickle frying up a pan of bacon. Then there was the time she saved a pork chop from dinner to take to lunch the next day. Hmp! When Auntie Ann got up the next morning her pork chop was gone. Eventually though Pickle was successful with his vegetarian diet. And when I became ill he introduced me to better foods to eat.

Pickle didn’t enjoy spending time in crowds, but he enjoyed small groups. While I was living with him, there was company all the time. Usually family. My sister’s 3 children were ever present. Pickle was so patient with them. We’d all play Wii together. That’s probably some of the most recent fun we had. Pickle liked to laugh at me playing tennis because I was determined I could beat Venus or Serena Williams. He’d tease me about being addicted to the game. But every once in a while I’d catch him bowling on the Wii.

In the last couple of years my grandmother started hosting game night on Fridays. We’d play pokeno or scrabble or bananagrams. Pickle didn’t play. He’d retreat to his room but never before he’d make the most delectable fruit salad. He’d make it look like we were at a five star restaurant.

Another very important part of Pickle’s life was his relationship with our grandmother, Marie or Big Momma as she is known today. Even as small children, we could see the love Big Momma had for Pickle. I wouldn’t call it a favorite kind of love. She made us all feel like number one. But there was a special love for Pickle. A love that to this day I have only appreciation and admiration for. I watched Big Momma care for and love Pickle. And I so glad to have witnessed her strength, her generosity and her love for him. I know she is sad today but I sure hope she realizes she brought peace to Pickle’s life. And she has set an excellent example for me. And let’s not forget Auntie Ann. She knows how to hold down the fort. Big Momma and I weren’t going to work and Pickle worked less as his health declined. We had to send Auntie Ann on our job. And she took care of us. Although she’d tease us sometimes about not working, she sure did call every day to make sure all was well. Pickle worked as hard as he could as long as he could. Pickle was dedicated to his job. He was serious about his job. Pickle would be in the hospital or home feeling under the weather and at the same time talking about returning to work. He enjoyed his most recent position at the Crown Plaza. I’m so glad Pickle was able to turn his love for cooking into a job.

A quick side note. I want to thank Pickle’s step daughter Jewel and her fiancé Dustin for their commitment to Pickle. Pickle loved his step children and although he was no longer with their mother his love for them and their love for Pickle never waned. Jewel is a woman now but she and Pickle have been a part of each other’s lives since she was a little girl. So again thank you Jewel. Thank you for loving my brother.

Before I end I have to tell you a quick and funny story about Pickle even if it is at my own expense. A few weeks ago I was sitting in Pickle’s room chitchatting with him. He was looking at me so intently. I just assumed he was very interested in what I was staying. After all, when I lived there I’d sit in Pickle’s room and we’d have these in depth conversations where we’d both end up laughing or crying. Well anyway I was excited because Pickle was so interested in my story. Then suddenly with a very serious look on his face he said he had to interrupt me. He pointed to my chin and said “Don’t you want to pluck that?” We both burst out laughing and couldn’t stop.

Tears have replaced my laughter in the last few days. And I am sure I will shed more because I will miss my brother. However I rejoice at the same time. I was sitting with Pickle when my cousin Kimberly prayed with him and he accepted Jesus Christ as his LORD and Savior. I am glad that my brother Pickle who I never heard say an unkind word about anyone is healthy and at peace now. I love you forever Pickle. I will miss you until I see you again Pickle. Most importantly I am happy for you Pickle. And please, Pickle don’t you and Charlie give the LORD too much trouble. Be with the LORD Pickle.

Tips For Everyday Life

2011-01-15T00:21:00.005-05:00

It’s a new year. Time for resolutions, life changes, rejuvenation. How about some everyday tips for the “simple” things in life? Here a just a few I’d like to share.

FAITH

Pray everyday

Wait on GOD

Listen to GOD

Tithe every week

Read a couple of scripture verses from the Bible everyday

Go to church every Sunday

Go to Bible study regularly

Go to Sunday School regularly

Become an active of your church

Bring a new friend to church as often as possible

LANGUAGE SKILLS

There is a difference between slang, accents and improper English (poor grammar)

Although spoken often, these are NOT words

Seentit, Lernt, Finna, Kilt

These sounds are not pronounced the same

shr, scr, str (as in shrimp, screw, street)

Certain words are thought to be interchangeable.

However they are NOT (because the have different meanings). See below.

Killed, Kilt

Ax, Ask,

There, Their & They’re

Congregate & Conjugate

Converse & Conversate (conversate isn’t a word)

Certain words are often mispronounced. See below.

“Look-did” , “Like-did”, & Skin-did are NOT words

The past tense of hurt is hurt. Hur-did is not a word

In English the letter T is not silent

ETIQUETTE

Say please and thank you (this is for adults too)

Hold your thought when someone is speaking ( I need to work on this)

Always knock on a closed door

Never eaves drop (you may find out something you did not want to know)

Practice random acts of kindness

Hold the door for the person behind you

If you can, merge to the left to allow for traffic merging onto the interstate, highway, freeway

Let the person with a handful of items go ahead of your full basket at the store

Don’t gossip

Don’t share private business on facebook

FAMILY

Say I love you everyday

Forgive

Think before you speak

Compromise

Be kind

Game night

Eat together (at the table)

SELF AWARENESS

Spend some alone time with yourself

Meditate at least 10 minutes a day

Exercise at least 30 minutes a day

Eat right

Bathe everyday

Take care of your teeth (great for your heart)

Do not indulge (in anything)

Read

Find out how to make money doing something you love

COMMUNITY

Volunteer

Mentor

Donate to a charity

Adopt a pet

Vote

Pay attention to politics

Read to children

Donate blood

Host a food /clothing drive

Join a walk-a-thon

ENVIRONMENT

Plant a tree

Clean a playground

Clean a school

Conserve water

Conserve energy

Recycle

Reduce your carbon footprint

Keep a clean home

Eat locally grown foods

FROM WHERE DO YOU DRAW YOUR STRENGTH???

2010-12-01T16:30:00.003-05:00

During these trying days where do you get your strength? I have two profound resources. My faith is enough. I know God would neither leave me nor forsake me. At the same time my weaker side desires something tangible to pull from. Fortunately I have one of the strongest people I have ever encountered as a grandmother.
My grandparents met when in 1930 when my grandmother was only 5 years old. They remained best friends throughout childhood and married as young adults. They shared a fairy tale love story. While my grandfather served his country during WWII, my grandmother was a single parent living in the projects. Upon my grandfather’s return they had two more children. Granddaddy worked hard enough to move his family of five out of the projects and into a home in a new community. They eventually had a fourth child. Granddaddy continued to provide for his family as Granny stayed home to raise four children.
There was nothing Granny wanted that Granddaddy didn’t work to give her. Even after buying her a home, he wanted more for her. With his own bare hands he added onto their home, making it the largest and only 2-story home in the neighborhood. He even built her a lavish master suite with a vanity and large walk-in closet. He took great care of his family, sending all four children to college and allowing three of his granddaughters, including me to live with them.
It was only fitting when in 1999 Granddaddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s that Granny said she would single handedly care for him at home. At first Granddaddy’s progression was slow. Then one day it was as though he fell off of a cliff only to land softly on a tree branch. There he dangled for many years until meeting his end in 2009. For ten years Granny waited on Granddaddy hand and foot. She was tired. You couldn’t see it but you knew she had to be. To make matters worse Granny was diagnosed with breast cancer while tending to Granddaddy. Of course most of the children and grandchildren did what we could. Meanwhile Granny continued to persevere and take care of her best friend. Her best friend who had done his very best to fill her life with joy. Her best friend who despite his mind crippling disease NEVER forgot her. Not for a second.
Family members and friends would wonder why Granny insisted on taking on this task herself. Granddaddy was a veteran with benefits. Only in the later years did she accept help from a visiting nurse. Help that wasn’t even daily. Nope granny had to be the one to get up in the middle of the night when Granddaddy would wake up and start to wander. He had done things like lock himself in the upstairs bathroom and flood it only to have the ceiling leak into the laundry room below. He had wandered out of the house. He had turned on the stove and walked away. Meanwhile Granny was right behind him fixing it all. When he moved she moved.
While many were questioning why she, a small woman under 5ft who was by now in her 80’s was handling this, I was observing proudly. I remember how Granddaddy took care of Granny. I remember how full of joy their home, my home was. I knew that Granny wanted to take care of Granddaddy because he had taken such good care of her through the years. In addition she knew he would have done the same. It wasn’t out of obligation, mind you. Her tending to him was of her choosing. She WANTED to do this.
Granddaddy is gone now. It has been just over a year. When Granny talks about the last few years she always says she did it physically on her own but with help from GOD. She told me that every morning she’d get up and “say a little prayer.” She simply asked GOD for strength. That was her entire prayer and HE provided. Now she prays for strength for a different reason. You see although the person Granny knew Granddaddy to be was taken away by Alzheimer’s years ago, he still knew her. That allows her to keep a portion of him. Her best friend is completely gone now. Sure she has children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, other family and friends but none of us are Granddaddy.
I watch her in awe everyday. Awe of her strength to carry on despite loosing her husband of 67 years, and her best friend of 79 years. I know this is the most difficult thing my 85 year old Granny has ever been through. Yet she shows her 3 daughters, 7 granddaughters and 2 great-granddaughters how to be a strong lady. How to handle ourselves. When I lay in bed at night feeling horrible because I remain unemployed or because I have health issues, I think about Granny. Right now she is visiting. So I can look her in the face and realize the woman I can be. I thank GOD for a new beginning everyday. I may be 39 but it’s not too late to become the woman Granny is teaching me to be.
Thank you GOD for making Granny my grandmother. Thank you for placing me with such an impeccable woman. She is in me and I intend to be like her.

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

2010-11-04T22:49:00.004-04:00

I was just thinking about how much I need to and want to thank GOD for being in my life. I am grateful that HE loves me enough to guide my footsteps even when I make mistakes. HE will continue to give me guidance even when I know I am doing wrong. HE won't turn HIS back on me. HE won't give up on me. I don't know where I'd be today if GOD hadn't stood by my side.
I know I'm a sinner. I'm just being honest, ya'll. I know that a lot of people aren't honest with themselves, let alone other people. I pray though that enough of you are honest with yourselves at the very least. I pray you are honest and recognize the FACT that you need GOD in your life. Can't do this alone. I'm not saying that walking with GOD makes for an easy life. And anyone who tells you it is, is telling you a lie. It's hard to walk with GOD. However it comes with great reward. Reward in your everyday life. Reward in your afterlife. Just read The WORD.
It's not my intent to preach. I'm no minister. It is my intent to share. I'm just sharing what's on mine mind. Take it for what it's worth. Now I'm going to keep on thanking and praising HIM. Thanking and Praising HIM at all times. Peace!

Say Something Useful

2010-10-25T13:22:00.008-04:00

I love to talk. (everyone who knows me just started laughing) Not because I like to hear myself but because I like to interact with people. Talking is my main form of socialization. I also enjoy talking because I think the stories I tell are interesting and worth sharing. As a child I came to the realization that some people are not interested in what I have to say. And while others are, they would appreciate the abridged version. Even though I was young when I was slapped with this realization it did nothing to curb my enthusiasm for talking. And so I continued.
Now I have come to realize that as long as I say something worthy, something beneficial, most people will listen. I think this is in part why I enjoy blogging so much. I like to share. I like the feedback even more. It makes me feel useful. And if I am going to continue to talk this much I ought to be useful to someone.
I try to be a useful tool for GOD. I have a long way to go but the effort is there. I see flaws that are staying my progress. Today I want to share a couple of my thoughts with you. There is something I need to work on. I hope that by voicing it out loud I make some improvement. In addition, if you happen to find yourself in a similar predicament you made find something of use in this post.
Sometimes I find myself wishing I could thrust my issues onto others, even if just for a moment. Now I know that’s just plain evil people, but as always I am being honest with you. My health has caused limitations. Some days are great. Some days are good. Some days are trying. Mood wise, it can be difficult for someone else to tell. I am not a solemn person. However there are moments when I may not do what is expected of me. Or maybe I do it but not 100%. That’s me saying, “Hey I’m tired today. I don’t feel well today. I’m struggling right now.” The usual response for others, “Oh it can’t be that bad.” That infuriates me. I get angry because I am not the boy who cried wolf. It hurts my feelings because it is my perception that they are belittling my predicament. Then I go from being infuriated to feeling guilty. I start to doubt myself and wonder if I am just being lazy. I start to wonder why I do not feel 100%. I ask myself why I haven’t overcome these health problems yet. Is what I’ve been through real? Maybe I have *Munchausen Syndrome. Once I get over that nonsense, I say, “Hey wait. I’m not faking a darn thing. This is real. I don’t feel good. Aaahh!” I start asking myself why my body has given up on me. Why has it failed me so miserably? My brain gave up in the form of a brain aneurysm. My heart gave up in the form of a heart attack. Even my youth gave up when I was surgically forced into menopause at 35 years old. My body forced itself into surgery forgoing the opportunity to have a family. Physically my body simply gave up.
When I start thinking about all of my ailments, the multiple surgeries, procedures, treatments, doctor visits and prescription my mind flips again. I go from infuriated to guilty to; hmm what to you call it when you want people to wear your shoes? I feel the need to explain myself. But since I know that the person really doesn’t want to hear my explanation, I want those who doubt me to feel what I feel. To feel my physical and emotional pain. It’s this mixed bag of emotions that I go through very quickly.
Eventually I calm down. No one has to believe me. They can doubt all day. They can question me for eternity. Who am I that they should believe me? Putting them in my place is mean and unrealistic. So I do what I should have done from the beginning. I turn my focus to GOD. See, if my mind had stayed on Jesus I could have spared myself a temporary mental breakdown. I shouldn’t ask why my body this and why my body that. I know what happened. I am witness to the testimonies that have come out of all of my ailments. Yes my body gave up. It gave up completely. I mean really my brain and my heart. But guess what? GOD has NEVER turned HIS back on me. And HE is who I am supposed to depend on. HE is who I am supposed to call on. I may have a raggedy body but GOD has made it work for me. GOD makes this body sustain life. I need not worry what others think. I need not concern myself with what others say. I need not wish people could feel my pain. Most importantly I need not second guess myself. Without the circumstances of my life I and others may not be the believers in GOD, the followers of CHRIST that we are today.
From today forward I am going to make it my business to sing GOD’S praises at all times. When I am infuriated, when I feel guilty, when I feel sad, when I feel like being mean I will call out HIS name and sing HIS praises. (Read Psalm 47 when you get a chance)
I hope I talked about something useful today. I pray that you can call on GOD when you’re feeling bad and other make you feel worse. Remember don’t let the devil steal your joy, peace, hope, love and especially not your faith.
*Munchausen syndrome is a type of factitious disorder, or mental illness, in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, they have caused the symptoms.

The Company I Keep

2010-10-21T15:53:00.002-04:00

There is no advice in this post. I don’t expect you to read this and have an epiphany. I am simply sharing. I hope that you read this and at the very least say hmm.
So there are people who look at me and ask where all this GOD talk comes from. I didn’t speak like this in grade school or high school. My answer; "When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things." I Corinthians 13:11. So their comeback is, “Well then why do avoid certain people? Why don’t you associate with certain folks? Isn’t immature to hold childhood grudges?” Well of course it is immature and I have given my opinion on forgiveness. How can I rightly ask GOD to forgive me when I am unwilling to forgive? I hold no grudges. I wish no one ill will. I can forgive and step away. If a person is detrimental to me, if a person brings negative energy to me, if a person is beyond my ability to save, I step away. Step away and pray for them. I pray for those who have wronged me. I pray for those I have wronged. I pray for forgiveness and I pray for the strength to forgive.
But this is not a post about forgiveness. This is about the company I keep. I know the story of Jesus Christ eating with sinners and tax collectors. (See Mark 2:13-17) When people saw Jesus associating with sinners they questioned His disciples. When Jesus heard about this He said the healthy don’t need a doctor. The infirmed do. That’s a paraphrase of course. I first understood this to mean that I can hang around anyone, anytime. However I am not Jesus. I possess no power like Jesus. Therefore I have to use discernment to know who I should spend time with. This is why I have to step away from certain individuals. Please do not interpret my actions as being hateful or mean. I have made a conscious decision to avoid certain influences. I still face temptation though. I pray for strength all the time. I ask myself if I love sin more than I love GOD. This questions has become the focal point of my decision making process. I still fall short though. I am glad GOD is my judge and jury.
I stay away from certain people due to my own weaknesses. I stay away from other because they do not bring ANYTHING positive to the table. In fact they do just the opposite. I tell you this today though; if you hold out your hand and ask me for help I will not turn my back on you.
I can see it now. Some will read this and think I am being self righteous. I do not think I am better than the next guy. I just know what is and is not good for me. To a certain extent anyway. I still have a lot to learn. This is why the ability to discern is so important. I can learn from anyone. So I hope that in avoiding certain things I do not miss a teachable moment.

MY BABY DADDY

2010-10-15T09:57:00.005-04:00

This is one of those times when I have to put my trust in the LORD. I know I cannot trust the system most of the time. Well maybe I should say a lot of the time. I see young women who have baby after baby. They have three and four baby daddys. Due to circumstances they neither further their education nor developed a trade. They lack experience that will help them get a decent paying job. Most of their baby daddys don’t work, or they work under the table or they are in jail or they have 5 other kids to support. So what do these women do? They get on the system. They get section 8 housing and pay change a month in rent. They get food stamps. They get health insurance. They get financial assistance. Sometimes they misappropriate the funds. They keep man after man coming in and out of the home.
Somehow the guy who graduated from college but chose to do nothing with himself has managed to get a couple hundred dollars in monthly food stamps and insurance from the county.
Then you have a 60 something year old woman who has fallen on hard times. Her children are in no position to help her. Due to poor health she cannot work. While disability helps, she still cannot afford to live above the poverty line. She has some help with her rent but she still has doctor appointments, prescriptions, household bills and transportation to pay. Yet when she applies for help she receives $16 a month in food stamp. The end.
And what about the mother of four? She went to college. Started a career then put it aside to raise her family. She hasn’t had a “job” in 17 years because her husband wanted her to stay at home. Now he has left her for a young lady who is six years older than his own daughter. While he is paying child support and alimony, it doesn’t equate to what he was bringing into the home. After all he and his 20 something girlfriend can’t be left destitute. When mom applies for help she is denied everything. The end.
Now do not get me wrong. As an unemployed person myself, who has had serious health issues, I am not against social services. But can we please revamp? Not get rid of but redo. Restructure. Why is there such a hold up with health care reform? Why must the politicians battle everything out? You mean to tell me they would rather Obama fail and us suffer than sit at a table TOGETHER and push something out for the people. This is utterly ridiculous.
We must pay attention to what is going on. I like to watch FOX News. I like to watch MSNBC. I listen to Keith Olbermann, Bill O’Reilly, Rachel Maddow and Glenn Beck. I am a huge fan of NPR. In efforts to be well informed I need to listen to both sides and decide for myself. Unfortunately I tend to hear a lot of back and forth. I may be a sheep in a herd, but Jesus Christ is my only Shepherd. I cannot put my future blinding in the hands of the politicians who spend money to slander rather than to build up, I keep my Bible close at hand.
You know that mother with four baby daddys? Guess what! She didn’t vote. She doesn’t care. But let her food stamps get cut. She’ll voice her opinion then. On top of that, none of her baby daddys vote either. What’s more, some “educated” people don’t bother to vote. We have to do our part. We have to force the issues with these politicians. Make yourselves heard. People bad mouth the Tea Party. I do not agree with the Tea Party but I know who they are. They make themselves known. We must stop sitting idly by. We have to care. I care. I want you to care. I want her to care. I want him to care. I really do.
I have decided to join my local chapters of both the NAACP and the Urban League. I have reapplied to be a Big Sister here in CT. I was a Big Sister in Florida and have recently reconnected with my Little Sister. I’m not trying to boost my resume or ask for a round of applause. I am challenging you to make a difference. Hopefully I can mentor a child from a broken home and stop at least one cycle. I’d like to think I had a hand in helping my Little Sister in Florida. Hopefully I have a hand in her making good decisions.
As for that mother with 4 kids, a bunch of baby daddys, no education and no skills, I’m hoping to give you a helping hand as well. Hopefully I can mentor or tutor one of your children. Hopefully my vote will be successful with placing a candidate in office who will help you prosper so that you do not abuse the system.
GOD gives us talents and abilities. HE expects us to use them. Use them in a way that is pleasing to HIM. Please people. Let’s work together. Let’s challenge each other. Let’s make the politicians work for us. How can we ask them to do their part when we will not do our own? Don’t you think they know we sit on our couches moaning and groaning. We may even moan and groan little when talking to friends and coworker but what else do we do? Nothing.
So I am going to continue to hold fast to the LORD and keep trusting HIM. Meanwhile I am going to spread my wings. I am going to touch at least one person a day. Won’t you do the same?
P.S. I had to add to this post because I was thinking about editing it. I thought maybe my tone was too harsh. Then I thought no I am going to leave it as is because it is honest. These are my thoughts. I do not want to start mincing words. I woke up this morning with what I think is a profound and useful thought… saying "That's not fair" doesn't change anything. Be positively reactive so next time you can be rightfully proactive.
Send replies to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ENCOURAGE YOURSELF

2010-10-06T15:31:00.005-04:00

I am aware that the best advice for living righteously can be found in the Bible. The problem is with interpretation and understanding. However this past Sunday, my pastor really broke it down. Pastor is a fascinating man who makes Sunday service fun every week. I’m guaranteed a laugh and a great lesson.
This past Sunday was a bit different. I laughed of course. I even laughed hard even to lie down on the pew but I was hit with something else. I sensed that I ought to take notes on every word my pastor was saying and share it. I felt like everyone ought to have heard his sermon.
It started with the choir. They sung lyrics that said something like, I’m sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes almost level to the ground but I know HE cares for me. Now those are the exact words, and I don’t know the title of the song. You get the gist though. So many of my family members and friends are “going through something,” right now. So many people seem to be suffering or down and out. So many folks appear to be discouraged.
During his sermon Pastor told a story about a little boy and a glass of water. Basically the boy was watching his daddy working hard. Sensing his father was hot and tired; the little boy went inside and got a glass of water. While carrying the glass to his father, the little boy placed his dirty finger on the inside of the glass. When the father took the muddy water he noticed the PERFECTION in it. He noticed the perfection, not in the dirty water itself but in his son’s intentions. I immediately started to think about how I would have handled the situation. Most likely I would have been so disgusted at the muddy water that I would have been angry at the child. I’m being honest people. There would have been no kind of thank you. I might have even reprimanded the child for being unsanitary. I think most people would react in a similar way. That behavior would have discouraged the child.
We tend to teach discouragement to our young people. They hear us grumble. They see us act unappreciative. Most times these are self righteous reactions because we walk around with a sense of entitlement. But we need to rid ourselves of the weary attitudes. We need to start looking at things through righteous eyes. The child in the glass of water story would have been let down by my reaction. He would not forget it and just maybe he would stop performing random acts of kindness.
Pastor said we need to “Move in the name of Jesus Christ.” Everything we do and say should be in the name of Jesus Christ. As we rid ourselves of weariness, we need to thank GOD for caring about us. For loving us. We need to keep our eyes fixed on the LORD. Pastor reminded us that Paul said to keep your eyes up on Christ because looking back my cause you to stumble. I hear Paul. I agree with Paul. Let’s go even further. While we take steps towards Christ let’s pick up anyone we may see on the way. Someone who may be down trodden. Someone whose joy and hope have been stolen.
Of course, it is not easy. That is to say changing behavior. Once again we can look to the Bible. Philippians 3:12 It's not that I have already reached this goal or have already become perfect. But I keep pursuing it, hoping somehow to embrace it just as I have been embraced by the Messiah Jesus. So while we are working on ourselves, while we are spending our adulthood righting wrongs from our younger days, we ought to be glad that GOD is not through with us. We ought to teach our young folks NOW that they are able because GOD is willing. We ought to get right and lead by example. We ought to teach our young folks to “keep on keeping on.” Even now when we are financially struggling. When we are losing our homes and our jobs. When we cannot afford health care and our prescriptions. When we are battling racism and terrorism. Right now even though the young and the old don’t understand each other. The democrats and republicans battle each other. The men and the women have tension amongst each other. Despite losing young people to drugs and alcohol. Despite burying a friend after a tragic accident.
We can still be encouraged. We can still live righteously. We can still be kind. We can still have hope. We can still have joy. We can still love. We can still keep our eyes fixed on the LORD. We can still move in the name of Jesus Christ.
Personally I have a long way to go, but I am encouraged. I do have hope and joy. I do love and I do thank GOD. “I will trust in the Lord …I’m gonna stay on the battle field until I die.” I am thankful for Pastor’s sermon because the next time someone brings me muddy water I’ll think twice before I speak. And if you have gotten this far, I thank you for reading this post in its entirety and ask you to share it.

I THINK I'M READY

2010-09-19T12:49:00.003-04:00

So I was talking to my cousin yesterday and we were discussing paths people take in life. Mine is not like his. His is not like yours. The more we talked, the more I started to wonder how much the path matters. As long as I am allowing myself to be led by GOD my path is fine. This is what I tell myself anyway.

Of course I didn't start out by following the Word of the LORD. HE has always been a part of my life, but most definitely not the focal point. HE has been in last place. Thankful HE had my back even then and I have been finding my way ever since. My path has been bumpy and I have upset some people. Maybe many people. The upsetting didn't bother me as much as the disappointing did. I have always worried about disappointing people. I don't voice it much and for the most part I am happy in life. I see my blessings everyday. Still disappointment lingers because I am not on the path that most would have me take. I try to be righteous. Not self righteous but righteous. But then I start to wonder. Am I just making excuses? Maybe people are right and I am just scared. So I ponder and ponder. I think it's a little of both. I had to share my thoughts today because so many of you respond to my blog. So many of you tell me that I inspire you. I want you to know that it doesn't take a special person to inspire. While I am inspiring you, you may be inspiring someone else. And it is okay to have moments of weakness when people are watching. Maybe you are not exactly where you want to be. Some days you're okay with it because you can personally see your progress and you know GOD knows the whole story. Other days you're kinda worn out. You want to rush things or wish you could go back and take that other road.

At this very moment I feel progressive yet stagnant. Does anyone know what I mean? I tell myself I am still waiting for a word from GOD and I act while waiting. Other times I believe HE has spoken to me and I am just being lazy. I'm not doing enough.

Bricks and feathers as I have said in the past. I have friends who will move after hearing a whisper or being lightly tapped on the shoulder by a feather. I need bells and whistles, sirens and horns. And even still at times I require a brick upside the head. I know what I have to do. So I am going to do it. I just made up my mind. I guess this is all part of my path. I'll keep you up to date on my progress. First things first. I have to step back. Take some time to myself. I need to pray and then shut up and listen. Then I'll work on my vision board. This will require some courage, strength and discipline on my part. I can do it though.

CAN YOU BLESS YOURSELF?

2010-09-07T22:02:00.012-04:00

Okay so I am about to get personal. If you read my blog regularly or have read some of the earlier posts you are aware that I have suffered some health problems. One of my issues resulted in a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus and cervix) followed by two oopherectomies (removal of the ovaries). It was always my intention to have children, biologically that is. I wanted a little version of myself. I wanted to be able to give my future husband his offspring. However that was not fate's intention for me.
I suffered excruciating pain for 10 years. I went through two myomectomies and to bouts with the chemotherapy drug, Leuprolide. I even lost some of my hair. I tried to do anything possible to avoid a hysterectomy. I WANTED TO BIRTH CHILDREN. Eventually the pain was in complete control of my life. My quality of life was poor. My attitude was bad. Something had to be done. I made the decision to have surgery yet again. I was devastated this time because I knew this particular surgery was a finality. A nail in the coffin. There was no turning back. As I waited for the day of surgery to approach, I spent hours thinking of everything I was going to lose. I would be able to have children. I would be less of woman. I was an emotional wreck. The one thing I held onto was that I'd have my ovaries and maybe one day I could have a surrogate carry a child for me. Things didn't pan out that way. My left ovary died during the hysterectomy and was removed. Two months later a baseball size tumor developed near my right ovary. My GYN sent me to a gynecological oncologist who said I most likely had cancer. Surgery was needed to remove the tumor and check for free floating cancer cells. My ovary would stay. When I woke up the doctor informed me that he had to remove the ovary in order to remove the tumor. He had also removed my appendix. The tumor was benign but it was hard to focus on that. I knew that now I couldn't even have a surrogate. I knew that I now would begin menopause. And at 35 I had no idea what I was in for. Psychologically I was a mess. I fell into a depression that I ignored and tried to mask with destructive behavior. Worst of all I did not look to GOD to guide me. Well I looked to HIM but I didn't listen very well.
I have always looked at having children as a blessing. What I did not take into account is that I cannot bless myself. I cannot decide what blessings are intended for me. GOD is in control of this. After several months I had an epiphany. I was being silly. I was being selfish. I was trying to run my own show. I had to listen closely to GOD. GOD is the head of my life. HE knows what HE is doing and will never lead me down the wrong path. Since my surgeries in 2007 I have been able to do things that would have been a challenge had I had children. I asked GOD to use me as a vessel of blessings. I want to be used by GOD to bless others. In being a vessel of blessings, I have received many blessing. Those blessings that GOD intended for me. I was able to find peace in my FATHER, my LORD, my GOD.
If you want to know what GOD has in store for you, pray. But remember after you pray, you have to listen. Listen and hear. Do this carefully. My pastor reminded me that Paul go off by yourself and pray. Spend quiet time with yourself in an effort to hear GOD.
I was miserable when I didn't have to be. Once again I say Thank you GOD for choosing to love me, to protect me, to forgive me, to bless me and most importantly sacrificing YOUR SON, My Savior, JESUS CHRIST for me.
I now have one beautiful niece and two handsome nephews. I am the God mother of three loving boys. I am blessed.

MEN! MEN! MEN! WHAT'S UP WITH THE Y CHROMOSOME

2010-09-07T19:04:00.006-04:00

I just had an interesting conversation with a couple of my girlfriends. We were talking about the sincerity and maturity of men. I turned 39 in August. I am single and never been married. When I look at my married friends, I question whether or not I want to ever go down that road. I have been in "long term" relationships, relationships that at the time I hoped or at least thought would lead me to the alter. Thank GOD for saving me from those would be tragedies.

But on to the topic at hand. The conversation started because we were talking about taking back an ex if he has supposedly matured or changed and is now sincere. Ha! In a lot of cases I believe taking back an ex is a form of moving backwards, especially if the man was a whore or an abuser. I do believe that people can change, but I have time constraints. One of my friends explained to me that I need to drop time constraints.

I just feel like a man will show me how he truly feels within a few months. If years have gone by and I am still putting up with the same ol bull-ish, he is not going to change. Not for me anyway. Shoot! I ain't even mad. I'm the one who allowed myself to become a "victim."

The way I see it you have givers and takers. I hope I am a giver. I think I am. I'll give you my time, concerns, prayers, love, patience, etc. Because of this I tend to do well with other givers. I can spot one a mile away. Being a giver myself I refuse to take advantage of some one's generosity. Then there are takers. They are a little harder to spot because they do not come off as takers in the beginning. However, eventually a taker will take you for all you have to give while offering little to nothing in return. They understand generosity as weakness and they pounce. Now when I experience that with a man or anyone for that matter I have difficulty seeing them in a sincere light. There is no hate. I just tread lightly.

I have allowed myself to be duped by a couple of insincere fellas. Fellas who wanted all I willingly gave. I thought the more I gave, the more they would come to understand that I am someone to be appreciated. How egotistical of me. Ha! While I'm giving my all, there is another woman out there doing the same. The taker is sucking us both dry and then will keep on keeping on. You know what I mean?

I can neither change a man nor do I want to. Not anymore anyway. So I told my friends that I would rather be single until I am 50 if I have to and wait until the man GOD intended for me comes along. Why get involved in another lame duck relationship? I like who I am. I like giving of myself in a relationship. I want to be with a man who sincerely appreciates that about me and willingly gives as well. That is why this man must be the one GOD chooses for me. GOD will never steer me wrong. When something is of GOD you do not have to question it.

As for the rest of the Y Chromosomes out there who just want to see what I have to offer so you can take it, I have this to say. I have love, honesty, sincerity and faith to share with someone. I want to be who I am. I don't want to be conniving to make things work. So go do you. Do what works for you elsewhere. And please remember this. If I give you the time of day, it's by my doing.

Ladies remember that no man can do to you what you do not allow. So do not allow yourself to be mistreated while you wait around for your taker to change. Do that and you'll walk away bitter when it's your own damn fault. That might sound harsh, but it is wise advice. Heed my words.

Ladies a little fyi. Sometimes people are put in your lives for specific reasons. He may be handsom and charming but he may be meant to me your friend not your lover. I have become friends with men I have dated. But the buck stops there. Once we understood what our true connection was supposed to be things smoothed themselves out.

What is "Black Think"

2010-08-18T11:40:00.008-04:00

So I listened to Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "N" word clip in it's entirety. Google it. Be sure to search for a clip that will allow you to listen to the segment not read it. Something gets lost when you read it. ( http://mediamatters.org/blog/201008120045 )

Anyway, here is a brief synopsis. A black woman married to a white man calls in and tells dr laura that her husbands family and friends as well as their neighbors make racists comments that make her feel uncomfortable. Her chief complaint was that her husband ignores the comments despite how they make her feel. She wants to feel protected by her husband. Dr. Laura immediately asked for an example because she thought the caller may have been hypersensitive. I guess Dr Laura knows this random caller so well, she can decided in 2 minutes that the caller is hypersensitive and lacks a sense of humor because she is offended by "black think" questions.

If I am offended when a white person asks me a "black think" question am I being hypersensitive? I can tell you right now that the answer is NO. You can't tell me when it's ok to feel offended. You can't tell me I don't have a sense of humor because I don't laugh at your "black think" questions. Guess what?! I am an individual. I can answer only for myself.

Dr. Laura goes on to say that she is bothered that black people can use the "N" word but it's offensive when white people say it. (Please listen to this segment.) As she is making her point she uses the "N" word several times. This put her in hot water. People started pressuring her sponsors to drop her. Eventually she announce that she will be leaving radio when her contract is up later this year.

Here is my take on the matter. I am not offended at her use of the word. In context she used it to make a point, and I get that. I am offended at her point. It's offensive because she generalizes. She needs to have a conversation with a group of black people. Apparently she'd be surprised that many of us do not like nor use the word. She clumped an entire ethnic group together based on scripted HBO jokes.

I understand what you might hear in a rap song. I don't like it either. So don't clump me with them. My father is a black man and I have never heard him use the word. I don't care if you're black, white, yellow or blue. Don't ever call me or refer to me as a "N".

One the flip side just because one talks about his/her family doesn't mean he/she won't defend them when you do.

One more point. Dr. laura, stated that she thought that by voting Obama into office "the attempt to demonize whites hating blacks would stop?" Um dr. laura anyone hating anyone is not godly. It is demonic. I prayed for Obama, Biden, McCain and Palin throughout the campaign. I voted for Obama because I felt he was the best candidate. Do I like the fact that he is black? Shoot I celebrate it. I'm glad my niece and nephews are coming up in this error and can witness it. However even Obama and his strong following are not enough to erase centuries of history. And before someone tells me that slavery and jim crow are in the past let me tell you this. The Constitution was written in the late 1700's. In 2010 we are still ruled by this piece of history. I am first generation outside of jim crow. My parents grew up in the midst. So don't tell me residual effects aren't out there. When I hear stories for what my parents went through, when I recall things I've gone through, when I witness my three year old niece being ostracized because of her skin color I get offended. Call me sensitive if you want to. Ha!

Problems, Problems, Problems

2010-07-05T04:00:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel simply overwhelmed with issues? That's how I am feeling at this very moment. I try to remember to look at the big picture and let go of things I cannot control. I pray everyday but sometimes I simply can't let go. I realize that weight like this can kill me. Stress is bad as we already know. Obviously I am not as strong as I think.
I try to remember that I am neither the captain of my ship nor anyone else's. I cannot do this alone. I need to rely on GOD. I need to remember to take my own advice sometimes. It's easy to listen to others and lead them to towards GOD. Then they can get the true guidance they need to move forward. UM! Why don't I do this myself sometimes? Oh yeah! I'm human. Thank GOD for love, protection, mercy, grace, forgiveness, peace of mind and HIS only begotten SON, MY SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST. I know I have said that many times but I can never thank HIM enough. GOD loves me more than I could ever love myself.
Now that I have acknowledged my sense of being overwhelmed, I need to reevaluate some things. One in particular is my need to provide straight talk to people. Many people don't like that. I want people to be honest with me if they feel I am being pushy. At the same time, if I am asked for my opinion or advice, be prepared. I won't tell a person what I think they want to hear. As the saying goes, "The truth hurts." I will admit though I do feel a need to step in without being asked if I see someone doing something that is detrimental to him/herself. That brings trouble my way. It's not always helpful to the person and is no benefit to me.
I'll continue to try to take my own advice as often and I can, with GOD's guidance of course. I've prayed to HIM asking to be used as a vessel to bless people. I have prayed to HIM asking to be filled with the right words to say. I am glad for the opportunity to vent/share on this blog. It's therapeutic and according to feedback, helpful to others.
Okay I am done for today. I need to spend some time on my knees. Thanks for listening.

SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH

2010-06-17T14:25:00.004-04:00

You know I never really thought of myself as a selfish person. However after finding myself in a situation where I was completely dependant on others, I found out just how selfish I am.

Last year when I had a heart attack, GOD sent so many people to rally around me. These people including, family, friends, my church and co-workers freely gave so much of themselves to help my cause.

Here I am a year later. I have had plenty of time to reflect. Would I have been so caring and giving? I can only hope so but I cannot say for sure. Of my many flaws this is one I want to work very hard at correcting. What good am I to society and what kind of child of GOD am I if I cannot give of myself to those in need.

I finally understand that I don't have to be rich to give. I can give time, thoughts and prayers. I have a long way to go. I am still learning to give of myself freely and without feeling frustrated and without feeling like I made some grand sacrifice. I am also learning how to give silently. That is giving without boasting.

I read a great book. The main character was a woman named Lifee. She had nothing but everything to give. She did so with a smile on her face and sincerity in her heart. GOD blessed her beyond belief. I hope to be at least half the woman Lifee was. I am hoping this blog is a stepping stone to sharing. Many people have responded and enjoy my little tidbits. If anything I write is inspiring to even one of you or helpful in anyway then it is more that worth every second I spend on it. I know one thing for sure. This blog teaches me a lot. I learn from your responses, be them one line or two pages. Thank you all for helping me become a better person. I will pay it forward with sincerity. :)

Artwork above titled "My Sister's Keeper," by Henry Lee Battle

Spread The Word

2010-06-01T20:04:00.007-04:00

As many of you know I am the survivor of a heart attack and a brain aneurysm amongst many other things. My body has tried to give up on me a couple of times. I battle to be healthy. Only by GOD's grace am I still here.
I tell my stories as often as possible. A friend of mine asked me if I really thought people wanted to hear about me all the time. I explained to her that I was not telling my story but my testimony and by doing so I was spreading the good news about GOD.
There are lyrics to a song that say, "I said I wasn't gone tell nobody but I couldn't keep it to myself." It would be selfish of me to keep my testimony to myself. GOD wants me to share. So you do the same. Tell people how good GOD is.
The other day my Facebook status read, "Sometimes GOD makes me feel like I am HIS favorite daughter." Let me tell you what happened that day. Read carefully and you'll read about the LORD in action. WHOO!

I had a good job, one I really liked and it paid well. Hard to come by these days. I lost that job when I had my heart attack last year. I could not collect unemployment because I was not medically released to work. However, I was able to get health insurance through Title 19.
Several months later I was medically released but jobs were scarce. I started collecting unemployment and was dropped by Title 19. Believe me when I say cardiac care is very expensive. I considered giving up the unemployment because in my condition health insurance is more important.
In the meantime I had doctor's appointments and prescription to get. Last week the pharmacy called and said I had roughly $500 in prescription waiting for me. Mind you that is a monthly fee. I also knew that I had a cardiology appointment. How was I to pay for both? All costs were 100% out of pocket. I decided I'd go see the cardiologist first. Maybe he would be willing to provide me with samples. The billing office said they would be willing to take a partial payment and I could be seen. So in I go. I make my partial payment and then I tell my cardiologist about my situation. After examining me, he walked me to the front and told the staff that I could come see him at ANY TIME FREE OF CHARGE, (tear) and to give me as many samples as I needed. I thanked him profusely. Then I went to my car where I cried and sobbed as I Praised GOD.
I still had meds to pick up but instead of spending $500, I spent $200. Now you tell me GOD ain't good. HA! GOD is GREAT.

WHAT WILL YOU WEAR?

2010-05-23T03:57:00.005-04:00

Last Sunday my Pastor preached about how we should dress ourselves. He asked what we wear. How do we dress?

I thought I was making sure everything was in place before I stepped out the door. I do not usually wear make up, but the hair is done, the clothes are right and the shoes, jewelry and purse are on point. It has always been a point of pride and self respect. My thought process, if you step out looking a hot mess, you'll be treated as such. And I want to be respected.

However there are many days when I forget to wear the most important things of all, leaving me bare and vulnerable. I was walking out the without putting on love and GOD's protection.

I like to say I don't judge and I do try not to but I'm guilty. I need to dress myself in love everyday. I need to think about love before I speak or take action. It's not easy but it is necessary. In an effort to keep my sanity I need to dress in GOD's armor of protection. I need protection from people like me who don't wear love everyday.

Years ago someone told me that living is hard. I soon came to realize that living is the hardest thing I have ever done. The moment I realized that my mind opened to other things and living became a bit easier. However I can't do this without giving and receiving love. I can't do this without the grace and mercy and forgiveness of GOD. I can't do this without my Savior Jesus Christ.

So today I will wear love. I will wear GOD's armor of protection. I will pray that I have the strength and willingness to follow where GOD will take me.

Today I will do my best and do so in the name of Jesus Christ, for His sake. I hope that by wearing love I will become more Christ like and that my light will not only shine but brighten a path towards GOD for others.

What You Do In The Dark WILL Come To Light

2010-05-11T15:24:00.006-04:00

Now I know good and well that most of you have heard that saying (look at title of this entry). So someone please explain why, why, why all the lies.

If you are thinking of lies to cover your actions in the midst of them, then STOP. STOP what you are doing. Most of you will immediately think of some man that has wronged you. While that may be the case for you, let's take a look at the bigger picture.

I have run in a lot of dishonesty lately. And it's across the board. People telling lies on the job, to their friends, to their family member and what's worse to themselves. These same people turn around and complain about their lives. They are in bad relationships, or have financial problems or hate the jobs or can't trust their "friends".

Well I am a person filled with flaws. I've made my fair share of foolish choices. At the same time I am neither a moron, imbecile or idiot. (look up the definitions) So don't treat me like one. You insult me with your lies and outlandish stories that very few people would believe. And when you do come crying or complaining I do the best I can for which is pray for you and advise you to pray for yourself. I tell you seek answers in the WORD and lean on GOD. But it's weird how when I do that you suddenly lose interest in sharing with me. When you're a liar the truth hurts.

Stop hurting yourself and those around you. Believe me, I do my best to take my own advice. It's working. Lies = Pain but Truth = Love

Are You Giving Yourself A Chance?

2010-05-10T21:20:00.003-04:00

Many people commented on the question about living your A life so I thought I would revisit it. Basically it all depends on how you define an A life. Do you look at worldly achievements or what GOD wants for and form you? Are you self righteous or righteous? Do you even know the difference?

A self righteous person using his or her own definition to decide what is right and wrong, what is successful and unsuccessful, what is important and unimportant.

A righteous person look to the Word of GOD to define these amongst other things. You maybe disappointed for no good reason. I used to have that issues with that. And it's just incredible how many people I speak to who feel bad about themselves.

Give yourself a chance. Although you'll never appreciate yourself or love yourself as much as GOD does, you should at least try.

Am I A Good Judge Of Character?

2010-04-20T13:28:00.006-04:00

Am I a good judge of character? Hmm, thank GOD for His infinite wisdom.

I have been learning a lot as well as coming to many realizations. I think most of these things were always in the back of my mind. I was ignoring them for one reason or another. As I transition into becoming a more open minded person, I tend to be more receptive to certain things. Let's take my relationships not just romantic relationships but family, friends, coworkers, strangers even.

I interact with and react to people in different ways. I let some people get very close, sometimes too close while not letting others get close enough. I've recently learned that I have an open door policy with certain people and a guard dog with others. Most people fall somewhere in between.

I realize that some of the folks who are part of my open door policy should probably be part of a call ahead system, maybe even make reservations well in advance. At the same time I am not as selfless as I thought I was. I can be very selfish in certain situations. Sure it's good to protect myself. I can't help you if I'm in bad shape but I can stand to loosen up around the collar.

It's a tough balancing act. And without guidance from GOD I could never pull it off. I still have a lot to learn. I'm just glad that at this point my mind is opening. I hope it results in my knowledge growing and spreading.

I pray that GOD's will be done in my life and that a treat people well. Hopefully I will interact with and react to people as GOD would have me to do. Phew. It ain't easy.

Lending A Helpful Hand

2010-03-30T15:40:00.000-04:00

You know sometimes when you are getting help it is not just for you. I suffer from anxiety and go to both group and individual therapy. I find them both helpful. It took a while for me to admit I needed therapy. You see, even though I survived a heart attack, brain aneurysm and several surgeries I felt I didn't have the right to be depressed or anxious. It was not about shame. I thought that was in conflict with my faith. How can I say I'm blessed and be depressed? Oh yeah, I'm human. In the end it was my faith that lead me to get the help I need.

In group therapy I freely talk about GOD and Jesus Christ and the grace and mercy I have received. In turn I have learned many things from others. Some of the lesson do not pertain to me directly but are helpful to a friend or family member. Of course the confidentiality of the group is important. At the same time lessons can be shared.

So I see once again that GOD is answering my prayers. HE has led me to a place where I can spread HIS word, find peace for myself and be used as a vessel to bless others.

Let's share. Share with you family, friends, coworkers and neighbors. Be receptive and open minded when even the most "unlikely" of characters is speaking. GOD uses anyone HE so chooses.

And if you need help, pray on it and your path will be laid before you.

Forgiveness Response

2010-03-13T16:08:00.001-05:00

"I believe we 'can' forgive. 'Can' implies 'capability' or 'capacity' to act. Perhaps the GREATER question is 'will' we forgive the person(s) who've done us harm the most! 'Will' speaks to our inner-decision or motivation to 'do' something. Many of us 'can' forgive those who've harmed us, yet a WHOLE HEAP OF US aren't WILLING to forgive...so no ... See no matter how much capability we have to DO an act of forgiveness, if we're not WILLING to DO 'forgiveness', guess what, it ain't happening.
Is it easy? Nope. Is it worthwhile? Sure....it HAS to be worthwhile, or else God wouldn't have taken time out to put emphasis on it through Jesus' teachings on forgiveness.
We all CAN forgive, we all just need to be WILLING first, and then trust Him to get us through to the 'worthwhile' part :-)
......the question sure gave ME some things to THINK about....! Thanx Sis!"

"How Can I Forgive When It Hurts So Much?"

2010-03-12T23:59:00.002-05:00

People teach their children to hit back. However do they teach them to forgive?

Someone recently asked me about forgiveness. I told her to forgive whomever had wronged her. I explained that holding on to hatred, bitterness or animosity only fills a person with negative energy. A person can only hold so much until he or she explodes.

Forgiveness didn't always come so easy for me. It wasn't easy to give or to ask for. For a long time I thought that if I were to forgive someone I would be showing a sign of weakness. I actually felt that malevolence made me strong. At the same time I knew that asking for forgiveness meant admitting I was wrong. And more so than wanting to seem right I wanted to seem like I didn't care.

All the while I was too ignorant to realize that I was doing a disservice to myself. But one day my grandmother saw me down and out. She didn't ask me what was wrong. She simply said forgive him. Don't hold any ill will towards him. She went on to say you reap what you sow. I thought she meant he would get what he deserved. Now I understand that she was talking about me. If I sat there holding on to negativity and refusing to forgive then that was what I was going to get back. I had to forgive those who did me wrong to at the very least help myself move forward.

Same thing with asking for forgiveness. How was I every to learn from my mistakes and grow as a person if I refused to look at my mistakes for what they were and ask for forgiveness? Hold on to it and you could end up hating yourself.

I have had to ask myself for forgiveness. I have had to ask the LORD for forgiveness. For me this had been a challenge. When you ask someone to forgive you or forgive someone it must be done with sincerity. You may be able to fool your friends, family, boss, coworkers but you cannot fool yourself or the LORD.

Start teaching the young people the strength of a forgiving heart. Thank GOD for His Son my Savior Jesus Christ. He died so that my sins would be forgiven and my soul saved. How could I in my right mind refuse to give what Jesus gave to me so freely.

So no matter what the circumstance please search your heart to ask for forgiveness. Search your heart to provide it as well. Remember once it is done it is done. No need to rehash. At the same time don't be foolish. Walk away from things that are detrimental to your well being.

And always remember when GOD is for you who can be against you.

~Andrea D. Kelly

Hot Topic Response

2010-03-10T11:40:00.003-05:00

"I truly like what you wrote and you are truly blessed."

Hot Topic Response

2010-03-10T11:20:00.003-05:00

Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise. ENOUGH SAID.

I THINK NOT!!!

2010-03-01T13:00:00.005-05:00

Last week I had a conversation with someone about accomplishments. I found myself thinking what did I accomplished in 2009 and in life overall. At first I was looking at myself in the worldly sense. Have I accomplished what society says I should have by 38 yrs old? Am I to look at what others have done with their lives and use that as my par or rule of thumb? Am I to live up to someone else's expectations?

I THINK NOT!!!

Can I tell all of you judgemental people what I have accomplished? I have survived 4 major surgeries, the removal of 7 organs and several tumors, a brain aneurysm, menopause at 35, and a major heart attack. I survived these things because GOD granted me His Grace. My life has been a testimony of how true God is, how real He is, how loving He is. Thank you LORD for using me. Use me all day everyday. Thank you for leading me into a life of righteousness and away from a life of self righteousness.

I know people who make six figures but aren't nearly as blessed as I am. I know people who have swarms of "friends" who aren't nearly as blessed as I am. However these are the folks who look at me and judge.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, lean on GOD. Listen to His Word. Set you sites and goals on His Will being done in your life. If I can accomplish what He wants me to, if I can be used by Him to spread His word, if I can be used as a vessel to bless people and lead them to Jesus Christ what more need I accomplish?

~Andrea D. Kelly

Sound Off

Send a message to Andrea Kelly via Facebook or email sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

Black Comedy

2010-02-25T16:47:00.000-05:00

I was listening to a Black stand up comic the other night. He was absolutely hilarious. However as I sat there laughing a part of me said, "Hmm! If this were a white comedian talking about black folks we'd call in Al Sharpton." Isn't that a double standard? We can talk about white folks but they can't talk about us. Many black folks feel this way. It's almost like the white man owes us. He's done enough so this is our pay back.

"Nappy headed hos" was a racially motivated joke. I did not like it. However is joking the white man being dumb and slow for trying to tame while animals any different?

I don't want anyone calling me out of my name. Then why do I have the right to do so because some one's ancestor was a slave owner (maybe)

I Don't Simply Wear Obama T-Shirts

2010-02-21T01:47:00.004-05:00

We are a herd of cattle. Think for yourselves people. Educate yourselves people. PAY A-DAMN-TTENTION PEOPLE. So many folks rallied for or against President Barack Obama. You either loved him or called him the antichrist. During the campaign you discussed the issues at hand. Now that the election is over I can barely find a person to have a political conversation with.

If you love the man so much, if you hate the man so much why why why have you stopped paying attention? Many people I know did not watch the State of The Union Address. Almost none watched President Obama's town hall meeting this past Friday. I will admit that I watched Tiger's speech but I of course gave at least that much attention to the POTUS. Tiger and the President spoke on the same day. I heard about Tiger's press conference everywhere I went. Did I hear ANYTHING about Obama? Once people. Once.

Do you have any idea of the chaos we live in? Wake up. Celebrities and their antics are great for entertainment purposes but don't let it be your focus. Their antics cannot help you save your home, you marriage, get and education or feed your children.

I had to rant for a moment. Hope you listened.

Hot Topic Response - Tiger Woods

2010-02-21T01:36:00.003-05:00

1. "I agree my sista. The only difference between Tiger and others is that he got caught. I believe that he is really sorry for his actions"
2. "I don't think we really know because there are two sides of all things. It is hard to live in the public eye. But I have met the guy and he is such close of person . . . did an opening for a restaurant he used to own."

1. "Let ' THEM ' be!! It's time for healing, God has it from here......"

TIGER WOODS

2010-02-19T11:43:00.002-05:00

I watched and listened closely to Tiger Woods today. He has apologized. "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Let Tiger and his family handle their issues.

If he talks on the phone in front of me, is he cheating

2010-02-11T00:20:00.002-05:00

My friends say that if my boyfriend willingly talks on his phone in front of me, I have nothing to worry about. But I have noticed a pattern. On certain phone calls he talks loudly and will even mention my name. On other occasions he talks quitely and will raise his hand to me if I try to say something. I see it as a red flag. I decided to ask a male friend about it. He told me that a cheating man doesn't talk on the phone around his girlfriend at all. I just don't agree. What do you think?

Email your responses to: sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

I Wanna Whip Her Butt

2010-02-11T00:00:00.003-05:00

I work with this completely obnoxious woman. Unfortunately we have to partner on projects more often than I care to. During presentations she does her best to talk over me. When I do get a word in she tries her best to make me look stupid. She re-words what I have just said as though I need a translator. I have spoken to my supervisor and his told me to talk to her about it before our next presentation. When I finally spoke with her she laughed it off and said if she was guily it was not done on purpose. During our next presentation she did it again and I wanted to knock her head off her shoulders. How do I handle this without losing my job?

Email your responses to: sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

CAT-CHOO

2010-02-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

Due to a relationship that ended poorly, I found myself in need of a place to stay. A close girlfriend of mine offered to let me stay with her, temporarily of course. Well I have been here for about 45 days. Last week she came home with a kitten. Now, we have been friends for years. She knows I am highly allergic to cats. Do you think she is trying to tell me something? I'm afriad that if I ask one of our friends they will go back and tell her. If that's not her intention, I don't want to start trouble. I guess I could have said something to her when she brought the cat home, but I am the guest. I can't function on allergy pills. They make me so drowsy. What would you do?

Email your responses to: sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

Reply - Her Woes Drive Me Crazy

2010-02-10T23:45:00.001-05:00

"I wouldn't recommend you to stop all communication with her. Change your perspective. Maybe you were placed there to be that support and counsel that she needs.... PERIOD. She has so many issues that she is not capable of supporting you in that same manor. Help your sister out and seek your support elsewhere. It's nice to be needed."

Reply - Bail Me Out Please

2010-02-10T23:19:00.001-05:00

"That's your perogative whether or not you want your child visiting a prison. You have to do what you feel is best for your child. You are responsible for what she is exposed to. So, if prison is not something you want her to experience at this time, then do not take her."

Reply - Not a Nurse

2010-02-10T23:16:00.001-05:00

"I think that if the sister-in-law has a long-term illness, they should look into placing her in a nursing home. If it's a short-term illness then she should sacrifice and do what needs to be done with the help of her husband considering the sister-in-law has no one else to rely on."

HOT TOPIC OF THE WEEK

2010-02-10T09:03:00.001-05:00

Does Sarah Palin represent you? Would you vote for her if she were to run in the 2012 election? Why? Why not?

Not A Nurse

2010-02-10T09:02:00.002-05:00

My adult sister-in-law is sickly. My mother-in-law passed away recently. Now my husband and I are responsible for my sister-in-law. We have three children ages 3, 9 and 15. I already feel like a married single mother. Now I have a new house guest. I know the work will fall on me. I cannot handle and honestly do not want this responsibility. My husband has a single brother with not children and money to spare. He of course does not want to cramp his lifestyle. My husband's life won't change except some resentment from me. I need all kinds of suggestions.

sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or message Andrea Kelly on Facebook

Yield Not To Temptation

2010-02-10T09:01:00.002-05:00

Okay so my problem is just the opposite if homegirl last week. I was in the checkout aisle and the kids were rowdy. i told them to calm down and quiet down They would for a moment and then they started back up. Well this heffa in line in front of me had the nerve to turn around and say to my kids, "Be quiet. You're giving me a headache." So I told her she might get slapped. Afterwards my eight year old told me I know that lady was kidding. I felt a bit ashamed but at the same time I didn't know that lady. I didn't know if she was playing and I felt she should have talked to me not my kids. Was I wrong? I mean after all I didn't slap her?

sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or message Andrea Kelly on Facebook

Eeyore No More

2010-02-10T09:00:00.001-05:00

I just found out that I am depressed. I know how strange that sounds but it's true according to my primary. I didn't know because I don't feel melancholy. However I battle severe lethargy everyday. I was thinking I had a virus or mono and I'm still waiting on results from blood work. But the doc is confident that I'm depressed. Has anyone out there experienced depression in this way and if so how do you handle day to day routines?

sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or message Andrea Kelly on Facebook

Monday Morning Parenting

2010-02-03T16:07:00.000-05:00

I was in the salon and saw a child doing something potentially harmful. Mom ignored it. Both mom and daughter are strangers to me but I wanted to say something. When mom stepped out for a moment I did say something to the child. Should I have A) left it alone, B) talked to mom, or C) did I handle it right by speaking to the child directly? (This was NOT a discipline issue.)

sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or Send a message via Facebook to ANDREA KELLY

Birthday Party vs Funeral

2010-02-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

"If you rented a hall and was having a 1st birthday party for your granddaughter at the hall and two days before the party someone from the hall called and asked for you to move the date or location of the party because someone affiliated with the hall died and they wanted to have the funeral repass there...what would you do? By the way, they are offering some compensation..Need feedback!"

send your reply to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message via facebook to ANDREA KELLY

HOT TOPIC OF THE WEEK 01-20-10

2010-01-20T18:49:00.000-05:00

Last week's hot topic was about dating men with several children. More women said they would than said they would not. This made me curious. Are single men without children hard to find? Are single women tired of being single? What if he was a good man and father but it meant hundreds of dollars would leave his pocket and potentially your home every month?

Sound off at sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message via Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Her Woes Drive Me Crazy

2010-01-20T18:42:00.000-05:00

I have a friend who ALWAYS has a problem. I can call her in the best of moods and she has something to complain about. I listen as always but wouldn't you know it. Whenever I have a problem she doesn't have time to listen or she minimizes my problem and starts talking about her own. I am ready to call it quits with her but I don't want to be a bad friend. I feel selfish. How do I handle this?

Send you response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message via Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Breaking Family Ties

2010-01-20T18:33:00.000-05:00

My best friend and I have been best friends for 26 years. Her mother has been cheating on her father for some time. I have no proof but I "heard it on the street." I friend adores her parents of course and holds them in high regards. They are both very successful and have always spoiled her. She is an only child. Should I tell her or just be prepared to support her if and when she finds out? I don't want to be the one to break family ties. But I don't want her to hear in the beauty salon or at the club.

Send your response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message via Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Bail Me Out Please

2010-01-20T18:27:00.001-05:00

My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old daughter. Three months ago he went to prison and will be gone for at least the next 5 years. I have been to see him but I have not brought my daughter. My boyfriend's mother keeps hounding me to bring her. I just don't want her to see her daddy in jail. I am the soul supporter of my children. I get no help from their grandparents. So I am not so much concerned with his mother and her opinion. But she did get me to thinking. Am I wrong for not wanting my baby girl to visit a prison?

Send you response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message via Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-16T10:47:00.000-05:00

"I would and have dated a man with 3+ children. My husband actually has 3 children , two different mothers. He is an excellent father to his children and that is very important. If he isn't treating the children he has now good what happens if you get pregnant by him? The number of children maybe important but what is more important is the role that the man is playing in these children's lives."

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-14T17:33:00.000-05:00

"the man I dated for 23years have 8 children and after that we gotten marry been marry for 16 year"

HOT TOPIC OF THE WEEK

2010-01-14T10:03:00.000-05:00

"Yes, having said that he'd have to be a great father and a good mate..."

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

"It depends on the man and the relationship he has with the kids and their mother. hopefully theres only one but if there is more mothers and drama......NO!!!!!"

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-13T14:24:00.000-05:00

"is his name russell simmons?"

Are We True Best Friends - Reply

2010-01-13T12:30:00.000-05:00

"Absolutely black and white can be true blue trusting friends!"

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

Definitely been there and done that. NEVER AGAIN.

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-13T10:49:00.000-05:00

"If they are doing the best they can and at least trying to do right by their kids."

Hot Topic Response

2010-01-13T10:46:00.000-05:00

"I can never date a man with three kids unless the man has sole custody of the children and the woman was somewhat out of the picture. At this stage of my life I could not handle the baby mamma dramma"

Are We True Best Friends - Reply

2010-01-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

"I am a black woman who has a soulmate of a best friend for over 20 years who happens to be a white male. I trust him with my life. Rare but true."

Are We True Best Friends

2010-01-13T09:55:00.000-05:00

I am African American and my best friend is white. I trust her completely. I love her with all my HEART and would do anything for her. Our friendship is a beautiful as a BUTTERFLY. Don't listen to others. Pray and follow your heart. Who can relate to you all the time anyway.

HOT TOPIC OF THE WEEK

2010-01-13T09:38:00.000-05:00

Would you date a man with 3+ children?

sound off at sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a message on facebook to Andrea Kelly

She's So Cheap

2010-01-13T09:28:00.000-05:00

Okay so my friend has two adorable girls aged 3 and 8. Unfortunately they always look a hot mess. My friend is a sloppy mess herself. People including myself are always spending money on her children to get their hair done, buy decent clothes and take them places. I don't have any children myself and I am TRIED of supporting hers. But if I don't the girls go without. I don't want them to suffer. I know my friend is aware of this but she won't change. Help!

Sound off at sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a Message on Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Are We True Best Friends

2010-01-13T09:22:00.000-05:00

I am white and my best friend is African American. People tell me that we cannot truly be "best friends" because the trust is not real and we cannot relate to each other's situations. I know how I feel and what I believe. I love and trust my friend. However people keep whispering in my ear.

Sound off at sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or send a Message on Facebook to Andrea Kelly

Am I Living My "A" Life?

2010-01-13T09:16:00.000-05:00

I am 40 yrs old. I graduated from college. I work in my field, which I love. Yet I feel an emptiness. I think I should be doing something more. Is this the best I can be? I hope not because I feel so unfulfilled. Of course at 40 and with the economy in the dumps is there more I can accomplish?

Please send your response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com or
send me a MESSAGE on Facebook (Andrea Kelly)

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-13T00:43:00.000-05:00

"Well I don't see anything wrong with having your significant others passwords. I have been married four years and i know my husbands passwords and he knows mine. To say that any part of my husbands life is not my business seems a little absurd to me.... He's my husband and partner for life so if were going to share finances, bank accounts, our thoughts, emotions, each other, children and everything else, i don't see anything wrong with sharing passwords. I feel like if he has nothing to hide he should have no problem sharing them. You can share a password and still be an individual. And hopefully before you actually get married you two will go through marriage counseling. Relationships are not easy and take a lot of work and compromise.
I wish you the best in figuring your situation out"

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-09T20:52:00.000-05:00

"This is in regards to the passwords. I think that it is a problem when your husband will not share the password. It seems more likely that he would try to avoid giving you financial passwords because some husbands are scared that their wife will spend up everything but cell phone passwords and what not! I would try to get down to the root of the problem. In my eyes that is like hiding something. I am married and I believe that two become one. I would really try to get down to the bottom of it. It could be something as simple as he does not want to feel crowded. It could be a number of things but you deserve an explaination! That was the purpose of the vows!"

Eating Herself To Death

2010-01-08T13:43:00.000-05:00

"It is none of your business. If she is not your GIRL (and you know what I mean) then leave it alone. You just work with this chick, right? Well, she knows she is fat and she knows she eats alot. I am sure she has girls that have told her to change her ways but she will only change when she hits her bottom in her time. Leave it alone and you worry about you."

Mother-In-Law Woes - Response

2010-01-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

"I am a very keep it real person so I hope this helps you. Stop pussy footing around your mother in law and CONFRONT her. Ask her to go to have coffee with you and discuss how you feel. It does not have to be in a threatening/ugly way at all. You can be very polite yet stern with her. Thank her for allowing you all to stay with her but let her know where you draw the line as a wife, mother, and woman! She is simply BULLYING you and you are allowing it. When you confront a bully, you take their power and you will see a difference in how she treats you. She sees you as a punk now because you allow her to talk to you in any kind of way. Nip in the bud like a grown ass woman should and she will respect you for it."

Problems with passwords

2010-01-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

"I have been married successfully and VERY happily for almost 12 years. We have been together for over 15 so I think I can give GREAT advice on this topic. Keeping it real, his passwords are NOT YOUR BUSINESS!! My husband and I trust each other enough to not even CARE what each others passwords are...SO WHAT!!! The problem with women today is you are too worried about somebody doing you wrong or something...what you don't get is: what is done in the dark will come to the light eventually so just TRUST your man or you should not be getting married! Good grief!"

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-08T01:23:00.000-05:00

"Ask your self why you need access to his email? and his cell phone for financial management. If you are going to marry him you have to trust him. Everyone needs to have something of their own even in a marriage. -I would suggest his, hers and our accts for financial management 'once you are married'. Sit down, set goals and decide what bills will be paid out of the our acct. The End"

Mother-In-Law Woes - Response

2010-01-08T01:21:00.000-05:00

"I am sure your situation is difficult as it is not meant for 2 woman to be the head of one household. I would encourage you to have a talk with your husband as you need his support right now in managing through these tough times. Explain to him how this is making you feel and the strain it is or may place on your marriage. You may also want to consider having a family meeting, hopefully all will be receptive and understand how you are feeling. Good luck my prayers are with you."

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-08T01:19:00.000-05:00

"Damn you Tiger…damn you! I blame him for bringing this issue frothing to the top.

Problem W/ Passwords,

It isn’t about the “idea of a marriage with secrets”, that you should be focusing on, rather the corner stone to any healthy relationship, which is TRUST. If you trust the guy and have faith that there is true mutual respect and love for one another, why kill yourself over some email or phone passwords. He asked you to marry him. If you had some doubt why would you have said yes? Look, the moment you tie that knot the rest of the world (friends, government, etc.) is going to see you two as one living, breathing entity. Which frankly I believe is unrealistic; we are distinct individuals that at time need those things that remind us that we are distinct. I am one who believes that as fused as your union may become. It is as important to hold on to those bits and pieces, like guy/girl's night out, hobbies, what ever you like doing alone, and yes, passwords. It gives one a semblance of the distinct self. In the end it’s much healthier to the union and the self. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s important to have some separate along with the same.

A little M.O.S"

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-08T01:17:00.000-05:00

"Its good that you are addressing this problem now, because it will come up again.
Men are funny when it comes to their personal space, but want to know everything you do. At one point I asked my husband for his password, he responded by removing any password he had, and he stated that he didn't want me to think he was hiding something.. I wasn't going to snoop, but I had a friend with the same problem, and I wanted to see how he would respond. He has come a long way!. Good for you for wanting to start your relationship fresh, but remember men are a work in progress!"

He Won't Share His Passwords - Response

2010-01-08T01:15:00.000-05:00

"Well I'm not married or even dating at the moment, but as you know that is a touchy subject. I would have to say it boils down to trust and he needs to know you trust him. Don't make something into nothing. Everyone needs their own life outside of who they are in their relationship. It is healthy. It is his not yours and that may be the issue. He would appreciate your faith and trust in him more than you insisting he see it your way. Handle yours....Let a man be a man. Your a newlywed, enjoy it! Stay in Prayer and keep God first and those small issues will not get into your relationship.
Good Luck,"

Facebook | Inbox

2010-01-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

Hot Topic Response
"In response to the unemployment. I collect partial unemployment because at my job I receive 2.5hrs a day which is really nothing with a house, car, and all the other bills. I do thank God for partial unemployment though!"

Facebook | Inbox

2010-01-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hot Topic Response
"Unemployment Benefits.
I think as long as the people are seeking employment they should recieve benefits. The hard thing about getting a part time job it may not make you available when employers need you to be for interviews.
A short time really job hunting is better than a long a time half searching.
I am a retail store manager for Sprint wireless. Check out our websites on sprint.com we are seeking retail sales consultants. I have hired people from all backgrounds, military, experience even no sales experience. It just has to do with the person brings to the table."

HOT TOPIC

2010-01-06T10:28:00.001-05:00

Hello Sistas. Here is our discussion point for the week.

Many Americans are currently receiving unemployment. The average person is approved for 26 weeks with extensions available. Many people are on their 2nd extensions. Granted there are not many jobs out there. However in your opinion is it okay to simply sit home and collect unemployment as long as the government will approve it? Getting a part time job at the mall or fastfood may not cover what an unemployment check will. Shout it out Sistas

Email you response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com
or send me a MESSAGE on Facebook (Andrea Kelly)

Mother-In-Law Woes

2010-01-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

"Do to the economy my husband, son and I have had to move in with my in-laws. My mother-in-law and I have always gotten along well enough. I guess that is because we lived in separate homes. Now that we are all under one roof, she dictates everything. She stands over me when I cook. She breathes down my neck when I clean. She jumps down my throat when I discipline MY son.

My husband and I pay rent. Mind you it is minimal as we try to save. If we were 'freeloading' I'd be less apt to complain. My husband won't say a word. My mother-in-law will only ease up when my father-in-law makes a snide remark to her. Someone help me please."

Up Under Her Thumb

Please send you response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com
or send me a MESSAGE on Facebook (Andrea Kelly)

He Won't Share His Passwords

2010-01-06T09:58:00.000-05:00

"I am newly engaged. Yea Me. My fiance and I have been discussing consolidating things such as finances. Well quite naturally online banking passwords came up. While he will freely share those passwords, he won't share his email and cell phone passwords. I don't like the idea of a marriage with secrets. How do I get him to understand this?
Problems With Passwords

Please send your response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com
or send me a MESSAGE on facebook (Andrea Kelly)

Tough Job Market

2010-01-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

"I do have an issue. I would like to know if anyone in the sista to sista network know of any available positions. I am having a hard time getting a job in CT area. I have a Bachelor Degree in Social Work. I would like to work with people that have been incarcerated. That is my first prefence. The job market is very competative and I have not been having success so I am willing to take anything that is stable but still considered a good job even if it is customer service. So if you can post this and spread the word. Maybe someone is working at a company and there is an open position. Thank you."

Desperately Seeking Employment

Please send your response to sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com
or send me a MESSAGE on facebook (Andrea Kelly)

Eating Herself To Death

2010-01-05T03:00:00.000-05:00

"An associate of mine complains about her weight ALL OF THE TIME. It seems as though there is nothing else on her mind. The problem is she is a big eater. I do not see her too often but when we do get together with mutual friends it's usually over dinner or brunch. And boy can she put it away. I see this as unhealthy behavior. Every time she complains about the weight I want to bring up her eating habits. But is that really my place? We aren't close friends but we do hang out from time to time."

Email your responses to: sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com

or send me as MESSAGE on Facebook (Andrea Kelly)

Yola

2010-01-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

As of today, Monday, January 4, 2010 Been There Done That is being revamped. New scenarios with new contributors will be featured on a weekly basis. Please take a moment to read the intro duction titled You Are Not Alone. It will give you an understanding of my purpose. I want my sista's to live positive and productive lives free of negetive energy.

Thank you for you patience as I rebuild BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

contact Andrea Kelly at sistatosistabtdt@yahoo.com
(that's sista to sista btdt)

You Are Not Alone

2008-03-29T13:23:00.000-04:00

Maybe you've found yourself in a situation that you are not sure how to handle. You feel alone and confused. Is there anyone out there who can help you? Your mom doesn't understand or isn't around. Your friends look at you like your crazy. They've either never experienced a situation like yours or their advice seems too far off base for you.

This has been my case on more than one occasion. I felt lost, alone, hurt even. I had no idea who to turn to or where to go. Sometimes I was just plain ol' embarrassed. I don't want any of my sistas to feel that way. Believe me, there is someone, somewhere who has Been There & Done That.

I established this blog as a place for women of all ages, from all walks of life. It's a safe place to vent, share and exchange ideas. Simply email your questions to me. I will post the questions omitting your email address and name. Readers who have found themselves in a similar predicament email their responses which I post.

Please remember that these women are NOT professionals. They are common women like me and you who want to share and help. We're all sistas and we have to look out for each other. But remember, after reading responses to your questions, it is YOUR responsibility to decide how to move forward. I, nor anyone who may answer your question is responsibile for whatever course of action you decide to take.

If you read about a situation that you have successfully conquered, please share with us. It is my goal to help my sistas live positive lives free of negative enegry. So let's talk, sista to sista.