I just had an interesting conversation with a couple of my girlfriends. We were talking about the sincerity and maturity of men. I turned 39 in August. I am single and never been married. When I look at my married friends, I question whether or not I want to ever go down that road. I have been in "long term" relationships, relationships that at the time I hoped or at least thought would lead me to the alter. Thank GOD for saving me from those would be tragedies.
But on to the topic at hand. The conversation started because we were talking about taking back an ex if he has supposedly matured or changed and is now sincere. Ha! In a lot of cases I believe taking back an ex is a form of moving backwards, especially if the man was a whore or an abuser. I do believe that people can change, but I have time constraints. One of my friends explained to me that I need to drop time constraints.
I just feel like a man will show me how he truly feels within a few months. If years have gone by and I am still putting up with the same ol bull-ish, he is not going to change. Not for me anyway. Shoot! I ain't even mad. I'm the one who allowed myself to become a "victim."
The way I see it you have givers and takers. I hope I am a giver. I think I am. I'll give you my time, concerns, prayers, love, patience, etc. Because of this I tend to do well with other givers. I can spot one a mile away. Being a giver myself I refuse to take advantage of some one's generosity. Then there are takers. They are a little harder to spot because they do not come off as takers in the beginning. However, eventually a taker will take you for all you have to give while offering little to nothing in return. They understand generosity as weakness and they pounce. Now when I experience that with a man or anyone for that matter I have difficulty seeing them in a sincere light. There is no hate. I just tread lightly.
I have allowed myself to be duped by a couple of insincere fellas. Fellas who wanted all I willingly gave. I thought the more I gave, the more they would come to understand that I am someone to be appreciated. How egotistical of me. Ha! While I'm giving my all, there is another woman out there doing the same. The taker is sucking us both dry and then will keep on keeping on. You know what I mean?
I can neither change a man nor do I want to. Not anymore anyway. So I told my friends that I would rather be single until I am 50 if I have to and wait until the man GOD intended for me comes along. Why get involved in another lame duck relationship? I like who I am. I like giving of myself in a relationship. I want to be with a man who sincerely appreciates that about me and willingly gives as well. That is why this man must be the one GOD chooses for me. GOD will never steer me wrong. When something is of GOD you do not have to question it.
As for the rest of the Y Chromosomes out there who just want to see what I have to offer so you can take it, I have this to say. I have love, honesty, sincerity and faith to share with someone. I want to be who I am. I don't want to be conniving to make things work. So go do you. Do what works for you elsewhere. And please remember this. If I give you the time of day, it's by my doing.
Ladies remember that no man can do to you what you do not allow. So do not allow yourself to be mistreated while you wait around for your taker to change. Do that and you'll walk away bitter when it's your own damn fault. That might sound harsh, but it is wise advice. Heed my words.
Ladies a little fyi. Sometimes people are put in your lives for specific reasons. He may be handsom and charming but he may be meant to me your friend not your lover. I have become friends with men I have dated. But the buck stops there. Once we understood what our true connection was supposed to be things smoothed themselves out.
