I love to talk. (everyone who knows me just started laughing) Not because I like to hear myself but because I like to interact with people. Talking is my main form of socialization. I also enjoy talking because I think the stories I tell are interesting and worth sharing. As a child I came to the realization that some people are not interested in what I have to say. And while others are, they would appreciate the abridged version. Even though I was young when I was slapped with this realization it did nothing to curb my enthusiasm for talking. And so I continued.
Now I have come to realize that as long as I say something worthy, something beneficial, most people will listen. I think this is in part why I enjoy blogging so much. I like to share. I like the feedback even more. It makes me feel useful. And if I am going to continue to talk this much I ought to be useful to someone.
I try to be a useful tool for GOD. I have a long way to go but the effort is there. I see flaws that are staying my progress. Today I want to share a couple of my thoughts with you. There is something I need to work on. I hope that by voicing it out loud I make some improvement. In addition, if you happen to find yourself in a similar predicament you made find something of use in this post.
Sometimes I find myself wishing I could thrust my issues onto others, even if just for a moment. Now I know that’s just plain evil people, but as always I am being honest with you. My health has caused limitations. Some days are great. Some days are good. Some days are trying. Mood wise, it can be difficult for someone else to tell. I am not a solemn person. However there are moments when I may not do what is expected of me. Or maybe I do it but not 100%. That’s me saying, “Hey I’m tired today. I don’t feel well today. I’m struggling right now.” The usual response for others, “Oh it can’t be that bad.” That infuriates me. I get angry because I am not the boy who cried wolf. It hurts my feelings because it is my perception that they are belittling my predicament. Then I go from being infuriated to feeling guilty. I start to doubt myself and wonder if I am just being lazy. I start to wonder why I do not feel 100%. I ask myself why I haven’t overcome these health problems yet. Is what I’ve been through real? Maybe I have *Munchausen Syndrome. Once I get over that nonsense, I say, “Hey wait. I’m not faking a darn thing. This is real. I don’t feel good. Aaahh!” I start asking myself why my body has given up on me. Why has it failed me so miserably? My brain gave up in the form of a brain aneurysm. My heart gave up in the form of a heart attack. Even my youth gave up when I was surgically forced into menopause at 35 years old. My body forced itself into surgery forgoing the opportunity to have a family. Physically my body simply gave up.
When I start thinking about all of my ailments, the multiple surgeries, procedures, treatments, doctor visits and prescription my mind flips again. I go from infuriated to guilty to; hmm what to you call it when you want people to wear your shoes? I feel the need to explain myself. But since I know that the person really doesn’t want to hear my explanation, I want those who doubt me to feel what I feel. To feel my physical and emotional pain. It’s this mixed bag of emotions that I go through very quickly.
Eventually I calm down. No one has to believe me. They can doubt all day. They can question me for eternity. Who am I that they should believe me? Putting them in my place is mean and unrealistic. So I do what I should have done from the beginning. I turn my focus to GOD. See, if my mind had stayed on Jesus I could have spared myself a temporary mental breakdown. I shouldn’t ask why my body this and why my body that. I know what happened. I am witness to the testimonies that have come out of all of my ailments. Yes my body gave up. It gave up completely. I mean really my brain and my heart. But guess what? GOD has NEVER turned HIS back on me. And HE is who I am supposed to depend on. HE is who I am supposed to call on. I may have a raggedy body but GOD has made it work for me. GOD makes this body sustain life. I need not worry what others think. I need not concern myself with what others say. I need not wish people could feel my pain. Most importantly I need not second guess myself. Without the circumstances of my life I and others may not be the believers in GOD, the followers of CHRIST that we are today.
From today forward I am going to make it my business to sing GOD’S praises at all times. When I am infuriated, when I feel guilty, when I feel sad, when I feel like being mean I will call out HIS name and sing HIS praises. (Read Psalm 47 when you get a chance)
I hope I talked about something useful today. I pray that you can call on GOD when you’re feeling bad and other make you feel worse. Remember don’t let the devil steal your joy, peace, hope, love and especially not your faith.
*Munchausen syndrome is a type of factitious disorder, or mental illness, in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, they have caused the symptoms.
Now I have come to realize that as long as I say something worthy, something beneficial, most people will listen. I think this is in part why I enjoy blogging so much. I like to share. I like the feedback even more. It makes me feel useful. And if I am going to continue to talk this much I ought to be useful to someone.
I try to be a useful tool for GOD. I have a long way to go but the effort is there. I see flaws that are staying my progress. Today I want to share a couple of my thoughts with you. There is something I need to work on. I hope that by voicing it out loud I make some improvement. In addition, if you happen to find yourself in a similar predicament you made find something of use in this post.
Sometimes I find myself wishing I could thrust my issues onto others, even if just for a moment. Now I know that’s just plain evil people, but as always I am being honest with you. My health has caused limitations. Some days are great. Some days are good. Some days are trying. Mood wise, it can be difficult for someone else to tell. I am not a solemn person. However there are moments when I may not do what is expected of me. Or maybe I do it but not 100%. That’s me saying, “Hey I’m tired today. I don’t feel well today. I’m struggling right now.” The usual response for others, “Oh it can’t be that bad.” That infuriates me. I get angry because I am not the boy who cried wolf. It hurts my feelings because it is my perception that they are belittling my predicament. Then I go from being infuriated to feeling guilty. I start to doubt myself and wonder if I am just being lazy. I start to wonder why I do not feel 100%. I ask myself why I haven’t overcome these health problems yet. Is what I’ve been through real? Maybe I have *Munchausen Syndrome. Once I get over that nonsense, I say, “Hey wait. I’m not faking a darn thing. This is real. I don’t feel good. Aaahh!” I start asking myself why my body has given up on me. Why has it failed me so miserably? My brain gave up in the form of a brain aneurysm. My heart gave up in the form of a heart attack. Even my youth gave up when I was surgically forced into menopause at 35 years old. My body forced itself into surgery forgoing the opportunity to have a family. Physically my body simply gave up.
When I start thinking about all of my ailments, the multiple surgeries, procedures, treatments, doctor visits and prescription my mind flips again. I go from infuriated to guilty to; hmm what to you call it when you want people to wear your shoes? I feel the need to explain myself. But since I know that the person really doesn’t want to hear my explanation, I want those who doubt me to feel what I feel. To feel my physical and emotional pain. It’s this mixed bag of emotions that I go through very quickly.
Eventually I calm down. No one has to believe me. They can doubt all day. They can question me for eternity. Who am I that they should believe me? Putting them in my place is mean and unrealistic. So I do what I should have done from the beginning. I turn my focus to GOD. See, if my mind had stayed on Jesus I could have spared myself a temporary mental breakdown. I shouldn’t ask why my body this and why my body that. I know what happened. I am witness to the testimonies that have come out of all of my ailments. Yes my body gave up. It gave up completely. I mean really my brain and my heart. But guess what? GOD has NEVER turned HIS back on me. And HE is who I am supposed to depend on. HE is who I am supposed to call on. I may have a raggedy body but GOD has made it work for me. GOD makes this body sustain life. I need not worry what others think. I need not concern myself with what others say. I need not wish people could feel my pain. Most importantly I need not second guess myself. Without the circumstances of my life I and others may not be the believers in GOD, the followers of CHRIST that we are today.
From today forward I am going to make it my business to sing GOD’S praises at all times. When I am infuriated, when I feel guilty, when I feel sad, when I feel like being mean I will call out HIS name and sing HIS praises. (Read Psalm 47 when you get a chance)
I hope I talked about something useful today. I pray that you can call on GOD when you’re feeling bad and other make you feel worse. Remember don’t let the devil steal your joy, peace, hope, love and especially not your faith.
*Munchausen syndrome is a type of factitious disorder, or mental illness, in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, they have caused the symptoms.
