SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ENCOURAGE YOURSELF

I am aware that the best advice for living righteously can be found in the Bible. The problem is with interpretation and understanding. However this past Sunday, my pastor really broke it down. Pastor is a fascinating man who makes Sunday service fun every week. I’m guaranteed a laugh and a great lesson.
This past Sunday was a bit different. I laughed of course. I even laughed hard even to lie down on the pew but I was hit with something else. I sensed that I ought to take notes on every word my pastor was saying and share it. I felt like everyone ought to have heard his sermon.
It started with the choir. They sung lyrics that said something like, I’m sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes almost level to the ground but I know HE cares for me. Now those are the exact words, and I don’t know the title of the song. You get the gist though. So many of my family members and friends are “going through something,” right now. So many people seem to be suffering or down and out. So many folks appear to be discouraged.
During his sermon Pastor told a story about a little boy and a glass of water. Basically the boy was watching his daddy working hard. Sensing his father was hot and tired; the little boy went inside and got a glass of water. While carrying the glass to his father, the little boy placed his dirty finger on the inside of the glass. When the father took the muddy water he noticed the PERFECTION in it. He noticed the perfection, not in the dirty water itself but in his son’s intentions. I immediately started to think about how I would have handled the situation. Most likely I would have been so disgusted at the muddy water that I would have been angry at the child. I’m being honest people. There would have been no kind of thank you. I might have even reprimanded the child for being unsanitary. I think most people would react in a similar way. That behavior would have discouraged the child.
We tend to teach discouragement to our young people. They hear us grumble. They see us act unappreciative. Most times these are self righteous reactions because we walk around with a sense of entitlement. But we need to rid ourselves of the weary attitudes. We need to start looking at things through righteous eyes. The child in the glass of water story would have been let down by my reaction. He would not forget it and just maybe he would stop performing random acts of kindness.
Pastor said we need to “Move in the name of Jesus Christ.” Everything we do and say should be in the name of Jesus Christ. As we rid ourselves of weariness, we need to thank GOD for caring about us. For loving us. We need to keep our eyes fixed on the LORD. Pastor reminded us that Paul said to keep your eyes up on Christ because looking back my cause you to stumble. I hear Paul. I agree with Paul. Let’s go even further. While we take steps towards Christ let’s pick up anyone we may see on the way. Someone who may be down trodden. Someone whose joy and hope have been stolen.
Of course, it is not easy. That is to say changing behavior. Once again we can look to the Bible. Philippians 3:12 It's not that I have already reached this goal or have already become perfect. But I keep pursuing it, hoping somehow to embrace it just as I have been embraced by the Messiah Jesus. So while we are working on ourselves, while we are spending our adulthood righting wrongs from our younger days, we ought to be glad that GOD is not through with us. We ought to teach our young folks NOW that they are able because GOD is willing. We ought to get right and lead by example. We ought to teach our young folks to “keep on keeping on.” Even now when we are financially struggling. When we are losing our homes and our jobs. When we cannot afford health care and our prescriptions. When we are battling racism and terrorism. Right now even though the young and the old don’t understand each other. The democrats and republicans battle each other. The men and the women have tension amongst each other. Despite losing young people to drugs and alcohol. Despite burying a friend after a tragic accident.
We can still be encouraged. We can still live righteously. We can still be kind. We can still have hope. We can still have joy. We can still love. We can still keep our eyes fixed on the LORD. We can still move in the name of Jesus Christ.
Personally I have a long way to go, but I am encouraged. I do have hope and joy. I do love and I do thank GOD. “I will trust in the Lord …I’m gonna stay on the battle field until I die.” I am thankful for Pastor’s sermon because the next time someone brings me muddy water I’ll think twice before I speak. And if you have gotten this far, I thank you for reading this post in its entirety and ask you to share it.

CAN YOU BLESS YOURSELF?

Okay so I am about to get personal. If you read my blog regularly or have read some of the earlier posts you are aware that I have suffered some health problems. One of my issues resulted in a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus and cervix) followed by two oopherectomies (removal of the ovaries). It was always my intention to have children, biologically that is. I wanted a little version of myself. I wanted to be able to give my future husband his offspring. However that was not fate's intention for me.
I suffered excruciating pain for 10 years. I went through two myomectomies and to bouts with the chemotherapy drug, Leuprolide. I even lost some of my hair. I tried to do anything possible to avoid a hysterectomy. I WANTED TO BIRTH CHILDREN. Eventually the pain was in complete control of my life. My quality of life was poor. My attitude was bad. Something had to be done. I made the decision to have surgery yet again. I was devastated this time because I knew this particular surgery was a finality. A nail in the coffin. There was no turning back. As I waited for the day of surgery to approach, I spent hours thinking of everything I was going to lose. I would be able to have children. I would be less of woman. I was an emotional wreck. The one thing I held onto was that I'd have my ovaries and maybe one day I could have a surrogate carry a child for me. Things didn't pan out that way. My left ovary died during the hysterectomy and was removed. Two months later a baseball size tumor developed near my right ovary. My GYN sent me to a gynecological oncologist who said I most likely had cancer. Surgery was needed to remove the tumor and check for free floating cancer cells. My ovary would stay. When I woke up the doctor informed me that he had to remove the ovary in order to remove the tumor. He had also removed my appendix. The tumor was benign but it was hard to focus on that. I knew that now I couldn't even have a surrogate. I knew that I now would begin menopause. And at 35 I had no idea what I was in for. Psychologically I was a mess. I fell into a depression that I ignored and tried to mask with destructive behavior. Worst of all I did not look to GOD to guide me. Well I looked to HIM but I didn't listen very well.
I have always looked at having children as a blessing. What I did not take into account is that I cannot bless myself. I cannot decide what blessings are intended for me. GOD is in control of this. After several months I had an epiphany. I was being silly. I was being selfish. I was trying to run my own show. I had to listen closely to GOD. GOD is the head of my life. HE knows what HE is doing and will never lead me down the wrong path. Since my surgeries in 2007 I have been able to do things that would have been a challenge had I had children. I asked GOD to use me as a vessel of blessings. I want to be used by GOD to bless others. In being a vessel of blessings, I have received many blessing. Those blessings that GOD intended for me. I was able to find peace in my FATHER, my LORD, my GOD.
If you want to know what GOD has in store for you, pray. But remember after you pray, you have to listen. Listen and hear. Do this carefully. My pastor reminded me that Paul go off by yourself and pray. Spend quiet time with yourself in an effort to hear GOD.
I was miserable when I didn't have to be. Once again I say Thank you GOD for choosing to love me, to protect me, to forgive me, to bless me and most importantly sacrificing YOUR SON, My Savior, JESUS CHRIST for me.
I now have one beautiful niece and two handsome nephews. I am the God mother of three loving boys. I am blessed.

Spread The Word

As many of you know I am the survivor of a heart attack and a brain aneurysm amongst many other things. My body has tried to give up on me a couple of times. I battle to be healthy. Only by GOD's grace am I still here.
I tell my stories as often as possible. A friend of mine asked me if I really thought people wanted to hear about me all the time. I explained to her that I was not telling my story but my testimony and by doing so I was spreading the good news about GOD.
There are lyrics to a song that say, "I said I wasn't gone tell nobody but I couldn't keep it to myself." It would be selfish of me to keep my testimony to myself. GOD wants me to share. So you do the same. Tell people how good GOD is.
The other day my Facebook status read, "Sometimes GOD makes me feel like I am HIS favorite daughter." Let me tell you what happened that day. Read carefully and you'll read about the LORD in action. WHOO!

I had a good job, one I really liked and it paid well. Hard to come by these days. I lost that job when I had my heart attack last year. I could not collect unemployment because I was not medically released to work. However, I was able to get health insurance through Title 19.
Several months later I was medically released but jobs were scarce. I started collecting unemployment and was dropped by Title 19. Believe me when I say cardiac care is very expensive. I considered giving up the unemployment because in my condition health insurance is more important.
In the meantime I had doctor's appointments and prescription to get. Last week the pharmacy called and said I had roughly $500 in prescription waiting for me. Mind you that is a monthly fee. I also knew that I had a cardiology appointment. How was I to pay for both? All costs were 100% out of pocket. I decided I'd go see the cardiologist first. Maybe he would be willing to provide me with samples. The billing office said they would be willing to take a partial payment and I could be seen. So in I go. I make my partial payment and then I tell my cardiologist about my situation. After examining me, he walked me to the front and told the staff that I could come see him at ANY TIME FREE OF CHARGE, (tear) and to give me as many samples as I needed. I thanked him profusely. Then I went to my car where I cried and sobbed as I Praised GOD.
I still had meds to pick up but instead of spending $500, I spent $200. Now you tell me GOD ain't good. HA! GOD is GREAT.